While the short trip we'd taken to go boating had helped situate our relationship, the need to play it up on social media had the opposite effect.
Between Carlos steadily becoming more and more involved in Elsie's life, us learning each other outside of what little we already knew, and the constant reminders from Oceá and Ferrari to post, things were left feeling a bit off when Carlos left for Baku.
Not for lack of trying, of course.
Every night, Carlos would call. He'd talk with Elsie first, determined to grow close with the girl prior to telling her his new role in her life. Then, we'd talk. For hours, sometimes, and it was good. It felt good...but...
With him gone, doing something called a double header with back to back weeks of racing, our relationship started to feel more like long distance co-parenting than dating. Which is fair and valid and honestly expected.
We knew it'd fall into that before anything else, even without Elsie knowing the full story, but everything still feels off-kilter.
It's been a balancing act since that night, the two of us hovering between going all in and moving forward with caution.
Do we register Carlos as an authorised guardian for pick up? Does his name go onto the emergency contact list? Should he go with me to Elsie's doctor appointments? Will he attend the parent teacher conferences that are slated to happen right before winter holiday?
All these things a part of being a parent that I've ever had to think about before.
To me, they come naturally. I've been doing this all on my own for the last four...almost five years, if you count my pregnancy...but Carlos hasn't done any of it.
Every day, there's a new thing. A new part of parenting we hadn't anticipated.
It isn't until I get a call from Carlos the Monday after the Canadian Grand Prix when I realise just how hard this is going to be.
"They want you to what?"
Through the phone, Carlos sighs, his frustration clear. "They want me to spend this week in Maranello. I'm behind on simulator hours and need to get back up to speed if I want to perform well in Silverstone."
I curse, waving off Jon as he begins to steps into my office. I've hung up the phone on Carlos a few too many times lately.
Since he's been gone, work has been nonstop.
With my name attached to Carlos's and neither of us doing anything to deter the assumption we're together, Oceá Creative has seen a boom in popularity. We've had to establish a waiting list for big and small name clients alike and it doesn't look like it's slowing down anytime soon.
That same popularity has translated over to infamy on my socials, something I could have gone without. What used to be five thousand followers has exploded into three hundred thousand with most of them being fans of Carlos's or Ferrari...which is nice...but a bit overwhelming at times.
Amira had to take over picking up Elsie from school after the news broke, my face too recognisable in Madrid to go out without getting mobbed at the school gates.
Security's been upped at the school, I've had to tender legal notices to every Spanish publication to never publish images of Elsie's face, and the first argument to ever happen between Carlos and I was about Elsie's schooling and her safety.
One positive to come from all this, though, is that Headmistress Alvarez no longer treats me like scum.
Little victories.
"Sorry, so, instead of you coming back to Madrid, you'll be flying straight to Maranello?"
There's some kind of ruckus in the background on Carlos's end of things, "Yeah, but, I do have some good news!"
"I love good news." I hate good news because it's only ever mentioned when there's bad news somehow attached.
"The team wants you to come to Silverstone!" Oh god no. "You and Elsie and Amira can fly out and you can finally see how I spend my weekends and maybe we can even see your family if they have the time...you're being too quiet." Shit.
"Um...no, I'm sorry. I was just thinking about the...um...logistics of it all." And how I can make sure we never, ever see my family while there.
Carlos laughs, entirely unaware of my internal panic. "Cariño, no tienes que preocuparte por nada de eso. Ferrari se ocupará de todo."
"Right, of course...when do we leave?"
He cheers to himself a bit, the sounds of Rupert cheering in the background making me smile ever so slightly. "Thursday. Oi!" The ruckus gets louder and louder and then, "Cariño, I have to go. Talk later, yeah? Give my love to Elsie!"
With the call ended, the silence that's left is nauseating. And the idea of Carlos meeting my family...of Elsie seeing them again after so long away...I can't allow that to happen.
YOU ARE READING
solo / carlos sainz
Fanfic'you're allowed to be more than just a mummy' above all else, mara walsh is a mother. for as long as her daughter's been in her life, she's raised her all on her own and done a damn good job of it. so what happens when carlos sainz comes into her li...
