solo / carlos sainz

twenty-four

Carlos wakes up only a few minutes after me, rolling back toward me with a sleepy smile. "¿Qué hora es?" His voice is all scratchy and deep, deeper than usual, and my heart goes into a fluttery overdrive at the sound of it.

"Siete en punto." My timekeeping may be a few minutes off, but I can't be bothered to grab my phone off the bedside table. Amira's been much too giddy for my taste and the two phone calls she'd tried to make were swiftly ignored.

The sleepy smile grows as Carlos props himself up, leaning himself over me ever so slightly. He's got this...god, it's like stars are in his eyes. He just looks so...content. "Has anyone ever told you that you sleep weird?"

"Weird? How so?" I've been told I'm a light sleeper, being a single mum for nearly five years will do that to you, but I've never been told I'm a weird sleeper.

Carlos reaches for a piece of my hair currently stuck to my cheek, moving it to the side as he leans down to place his lips there instead. It's an innocent movement, a casual show of affection, but it lights me up immediately.

"I got up for water around four and when I came back, you were a...I don't know the word in English...una estrella de mar. A...the fish with the arms."

He makes an odd gesture with his hands and I can't help but laugh. "Are you trying to call me a starfish?"

"Yes! A starfish! I came back and you were a starfish. But," he leans back in again, lips ghosting over mine, "You are the prettiest starfish in the sea."

I lift my head ever so slightly, closing the distance between us to give Carlos the quickest of kisses possible. "We should go check on Elsie. Amira says she's been up since six."

Carlos sighs, but agrees, rolling away so I have the ability to get out of bed. When I don't hear him doing the same, I turn to find him watching me. "¿Ves algo que te gusta, guapo?"

My question doesn't seem to register in his brain, despite it being in his native language, as Carlos continues to look me up and down with a dazed expression on his face.

If someone were to look at me that way five years ago, before Elsie, before Oceá, I would have shied away. I would have told them to stop and covered myself up or rushed to get dressed but I'm not that girl anymore. I haven't been that scared, quiet girl in a long, long time.

"If I didn't have something planned for us today, I would drag you back into this bed right now."

I pretend to check a watch on my wrist, "How much time do we have?"

"Not enough." The stars in his eyes are gone, replaced by pure hunger, and it almost surprises me how easily I drift toward him. Until the look disappears, as if Carlos is remembering his prior words, and the spell is broken. "Go shower. I'll call Amira and ask her to bring clothes and Elsie."

My banishment to the shower, while disappointing, is exactly what I need to cool down. I keep the water cold, almost too cold, and duck my head under. Once Elsie is here, we'll have to go back to our usual routine of being close without being close.

In her eyes, Carlos is still just Mummy's friend. And as much as Mummy wants to kiss this friend, she certainly can't do that in front of Elsie. She may be little, but she's been given plenty of talks about her body and her space and what it means to kiss someone. They're talks I wish I'd had as a kid, lessons on bodily autonomy and the right to personal space and the power of the word 'no'.

I can hear her come into the hotel room. Her little stomps are louder than usual, which makes me think she's wearing the tiny little Ferrari sneakers Carlos had given her for the weekend. Amira's next, the sound of her voice seeping through the walls as she carries in whatever clothes she'd brought for me.

Knowing my baby is close, I hurry my shower, rushing to rinse out the conditioner I'd been letting sit before switching off the flow of water to hop out and dry off. She clicks the door open as I'm wrapping myself up in a robe, grinning ear to ear.

"Mummy, Mummy, Carlos has a surprise. Vamos, vamos, vamos!"

She pulls at the tie of my robe, guiding me along like a dog on a leash to the small living room. Carlos is there, looking ecstatic. Amira's there as well, but she's very decidedly not ecstatic. In fact, when our eyes meet, she gives me the slightest shake of her head, her frown deepening.

"¿Se lo has dicho a Mamá?" My heart flutters again. This man is fucking perfect.

Elsie's a bundle of unstoppable energy, bouncing away from me to hug Carlos tightly before coming back to my side. "What is it, sprout?"

"We're gonna go see grandma and grandpa!" The world's about to have one less perfect man because I'm about to kill him.