● I'd Lose Myself ● | Kosta X Reader(Y/n) | {X}

S i x t e e n

Chapter 16 : Kind boy

"Hey y/n.." I heard someone call me in the darkness. I looked around my sorroundings and all I saw was just pure nothingness. "What??" I breathed heavily, walking around in the darkness alone. The feeling of being alone is terrifying. Thinking about that makes me wanna dissapear and just die so I wouldn't get to feel loneliness. This isn't what I want. I don't want to be here suffering, alone.

"H-hello?" I called, as loud as I can but no one answered. I fall down to my knees, my hands shaking, my sweat trickling down fast on my pale, scared face and my teary eyes ready to let out cold tears.

What did I do to deserve this?

Suddenly I heard a female voice whispered behind me. I froze. "Y/n. You don't have to be afraid of the darkness nor being alone, because you were always alone." Little by little the voice faded to my ears, but the words stayed in my mind. Why?

It kept repeating over and over again and I felt like it wouldn't stop echoing in my mind. I think I'm going crazy. What is happening? My head hurted like hell. I screamed in pain, holding my head for dear life. But no one was there to save me at all. No one hears my voice. No one feels my suffering and no one will be there to comfort me in the silence, I just had myself.

I cried and cried. I had nothing better to do. It makes me sick knowing I can't even help myself.

If only I had the courage to stand back and protect myself, I wouldn't get hurt. If only I had the power to insult someone back when they do the same, then maybe they would've stopped. But I was too kind for the other's own good. I was too selfless. I cared about others emotions and feelings more than mine. Is that why they abused my kindness? Just so they could benefit themselves and hurt me instead? It was unfair.

I didn't deserve this.

"Hey y/n.. I'm sorry." I stopped my wailing as I heard that voice not from far. I quickly stood up and tried to look for the source of the voice, but it was just darkness. "Who are you??" I yelled. No one answered. I sighed and sat back down, giving up. I felt hopeless.

I closed my eyes and rethink back of what I could've done to avenge myself, but it was too late. I'm already broken.
"Y/n.. I'm sorry about earlier, I didn't mean to make fun of Kosta and scare you.."

Just as I heard the voice again, I listened carefully. The voice seems familiar to me. It feels like I've heard it before.

"Well.. good thing I didn't left you there on the hallways immediately because no one would've helped you.. I thought maybe I should apologize again if you wake up. Yeah ofcourse... You deserve an apology." Just when I heard the last words, I open my eyes. There wasn't darkness anymore, I can see a really bright light above me. I looked down to see myself on a bed with a blanket on. "O-oh you're already awake y/n!" That was the same voice I heard a while ago, I looked at the direction where the voice came from and I saw was Andrija sitting beside the bed with a stool.

"Andrija? W-what happened?" I tried to sit up but he stopped me from doing so. "Wait you need more rest first, you've been out for 2 hours." He lay me down on the bed again.

"Wait what? What about class?? You didn't get to attend your class Andrija." I fuss. He chuckled, patting my head gently. "Don't worry about class, I needed to make sure you're okay." His smile was so pure. I saw kindness and caring in his eyes. That reminded me of how I treated people equally.

"Oh. Thank you then.. I owe you one." I smiled back. He stopped what he was doing and stared at my face while smiling cutely. His baby face was so cute that I wanted to pinch one of his cheeks.

"Oh right.. Sorry about earlier y/n, I didn't mean to.."
He scratch his head, apologizing sincerely. I nodded and gave him a thumbs up. "It's alright."

"I wasn't in my proper state of thinking.. I didn't know what I was doing." I nodded again, maintaning my smile.

"I was just jealous y/n." He mumbled. I didn't clearly hear what he said. "What was that Andrija?"

"N-no nothing." He assured. I confusingly smiled and nodded. "So are you okay to walk now y/n?"

"Yes I'm feeling fine now." I sat myself up and touched my head. There was some kind of soft cloth wrapped around it. "W-what happen to my head..?"

"Oh you hit your head hard on the floor.. I'm sorry I didn't get to catch you."

"Oh no it's alright-!"

"Yeah yeah thanks.. but-" I fake coughed my way to distract him so he won't get to feel bad to himself for not saving my skull. Once he heard me cough he stayed silent and pat my back gently "Are you okay y/n?"

"Y-yeah let's go now shall we??"

...

We sat on the lonely bench we found on the abandoned rooftop part of the school. It's wood was old like it was about to fall apart in pieces, but it was still there standing strong against all odds.
I listen to the calm, mood music Andrija recommended me. It's beat and rythm were blasting through my headset in a non-violent way. I see him smiling beside me, watching me enjoying the vibe. I gazed up at the sky, it was pure blue, cotton clouds were flying slowly throughout the skies letting the wind take them wherever they go.

The warm wind embraces our presence gently making my hair dance gracefully with the calming wind. As the clouds slowly moves away from the face of the setting sun, the sunlight hit our face. Now the sky was filled with different cool shades of orange. It's colours spread throughout the skies, it was like adding more beautiful details to a masterpiece that was already made. I can't explain what I felt about what I witnessed right now. It feels magical. This moment could only happen once in a lifetime that I'd probably wished to go back to.

"The sunset is beautiful isn't it y/n?" Andrija chuckled, carefully stealing my right ear headset in my ear and placing it in one of his ear instead.

"Your song recommendations feel sad. But I like the vibe it gives off." He moves closer to my side and lightly punch my shoulder.

"Ciggarettes After Sex is my favorite band. You should listen to some of their songs especially apocalypse." I smiled, glancing at him in my side eye vision.

"Yeah sure."