● I'd Lose Myself ● | Kosta X Reader(Y/n) | {X}

N i n e t e e n

Chapter 19 : Fun

"What sports are you going to join y/n?" Kosta asked, with a normal smile etched on his lips. I looked down at my outfit and stared at it blankly for a couple of seconds before answering.
"Chess." I return my gaze at his face.

He nodded, keeping his smile and his eye contact on mine. His behavior was oddly normal. Not a single sign of expression remembering what happened between us near the library room. Is he pretending to forget all of it and just move on? I do not like that kind of behavior. I want him to be straightforward and communicate about it but I can't force someone to do what I wish for. The world does not revolve around me. I clear my throat while glancing at his attire.

"What about you Kosti? You seem like joining a different sport." I awkwardly look around to avoid meeting his eyes once again. I was full of embarrassment knowing that he'll just pretend like nothing happened. And I was annoyed of it. He softly chuckles caressing his nape like he was flustered.

"Basketball." The sudden change of the pitch of his voice made me directly look at him in the eye without hesitation. "You didn't tell me you liked basketball?" I confusingly respond. He moves his arms slowly on his back and started distracting himself by looking at his own shoes.

"I thought you weren't interested in basketball players since you are mainly focusing on chess." He said with a slight guilt and embarrassment, still not bothering to look at me straight in the face. "Sorry for not telling you this." He continued. I tried to smile to accept his apology but I ended up doing a fake smile to escape the conversation and let him think to himself that he was forgiven. "It's alright. By the way I have to go now see you later!"

I excused myself. It was all planned out in my head. I don't know why I wanted to run away and dissapear. I waved goodbye to him and went to a far away direction where he won't be able to see me anymore. Why did I want to avoid him? No I did not intend to leave him alone. He was not the problem. It's just the people around us. I couldn't stand public places with too many people like this.

...

The sound of chatter around me irritates me a lot while I pass different groups of students. Why do I always think that I was the one who was getting laughed at when I hear a nearby group of students laugh? Why do I feel like everyone's staring at me? I check to see if my thoughts were correct but I am meet with a positive assurance that I was never the problem.

Maybe the group of mean girls a while ago made me traumatized that easily, making me negatively think this way. I shouldn't have let my thoughts swallow me whole. It's gonna suck me into darkness again. Again and again. I won't be able to stop my mentality from getting destroyed if I don't try to fight it off too.

I need to be brave.

I took a deep breath and finally had the courage to look everyone in the eye after overthinking about the outcomes. I should not let myself stuck in a hole full of nothing but negative thoughts. I should try and face my fear. I won't lose anything anyways after doing so. Looking at the bright side, it might help me in the future too.

...

I tried to look for someone who plays the same sport as mine so it won't be hard for me to find the people I am looking for. I carefully laid my eyes on every person without feeling nervous anymore. This is what I mean by a brave person.

After looking for a couple of minutes I finally saw someone carrying a wooden chessboard. But he was sorrounded by a very few people. Must be the people I wanted to meet. I slowly approach the crowd and stood there in front of them waiting for them to feel my presence. One person noticed me and looked at me with a confuse look. After his eyes meet mine, it was then followed by other people's attention looking at my questionable presence. I gave them a warming smile and awkwardly waved my hand to them.

The person in the middle of the group of people smiled back at me. He looked approachable and nice while the others looks a bit hostile in my point of view. "Do you need anything miss?" He asked politely with open arms. I immediately got comfortable around him because of his kind gesture.

"I just wanna know where's the chess club at. I wanna participate in that sport."

After everyone listened to my simple sentence, they suddenly looked at me in another different expression. Most of them looked surprise, interested and confuse while the others remained emotionless. The guy chuckled, slowly walking towards me and patted my shoulder like I was his long time buddy. "You are already in the right place friend. Never thought another girl will join in this sport. We were just missing one person and you're officially the last." He said excitedly. The others were happily clapping their hands, their faces filled with bright smiles and an interested look containing wild curiosity.

I just stared at him not knowing what to appropriately say. I was just astounded when I heard him say they didn't expect another girl to join in this sport I love. Another girl? So there's a player the same gender as me too!? I gladly sighed in relief while thinking about it. I was so happy mentally thinking I was not alone. But where could that person be?

"Come on now everyone follow me so we can start the game." He said sounding like a skillful good leader with a  potential to lead a huge group. His nature made me follow his orders like I was a slave, the others too followed him quietly. I was surprised that this club were not making me stress and uncomfortable like the other clubs. And to mention, this club must be filled with smart people which encourages me to play against these people.

I repeteadly told myself to not make any blunders during the games because that would humiliate me in public. I know it's okay to make mistakes but it's a whole different story in the games of chess. I try to calm myself down and focus more on having fun, and also winning a lot of games. I am comfidently ready.

...

The leader of the club took us to a more quiet place inside the sports building with clean white tables arranged in a nice comfortable position. Each of the tables contained wooden chessboards, the pieces were already arranged properly on the board ready to be played. Everyone sat on each of the empty chairs in each table with no opponent yet, but it was not enough for all the people there so they had to go immediately to the tables were their opponents were already waiting. Same for me too. I had to go sit on an empty chair with a boy wearing glasses playing as the white pieces on the board.

We waited until the leader of the chess club announces to start the game. While we were waiting, the boy in front of me who is my opponent started a conversation with me.

"Hi I'm Frederick. It's a pleasure to play against a woman." He formally said in a gentleman tone. I nodded one time and smiled. "I'm Y/n. Nice to meet you Frederick."

He stared at me in complete awe, it felt like it was the first time he saw a human like me. After a few seconds he gulped and cleared his throat.

"You can call me Fred in short y/n.." His gentleman voice was replaced with a nervous like one. I chuckled because I thought that he wasn't comfortable around me. That's understandable when two people meet for the first time. "Don't worry I'll go easy on you Fred." I jokingly said in case if he was feeling nervous about playing against someone.

He looks down at his chess pieces and laughs it off. "It's my first time playing with an actual opponent in person." He said, randomly picking up a piece and shakingly play it in his hand. "Oh I see." I respond, poking my king piece gently.

"It's okay to feel nervous at first." He looks at me after. I smiled and gave him a thumbs up to reassure him.
"Just think of this like a normal game you have with yourself. But this time you are actually playing your own pieces without moving the opponent's piece."

He glances at the chessboard slowly letting out a warm smile while staring at it.
"Yeah." He places the piece he took a while ago on the square where it belongs. I nodded.

Not long the club leader has finally announced to start the game. After that a person with a big bag next to him came to each of the tables and gave one table a chess clock. "Oh I thought there weren't a timer." Fred said slightly scared.

I swallowed my own saliva and sighed. "Goodluck to the both of us." He clutched his fists, his right leg shaking uncontrollably under the table.

"Yeah. Of course.."