● I'd Lose Myself ● | Kosta X Reader(Y/n) | {X}

S e v e n t e e n

Chapter 17 : Scolding Session

"Dear, your adviser said you haven't attended classes after lunch? What happen?" My mom said worriedly but with a subtle anger hidden in her eyes. I jumped on the couch and lay myself on it, lazily putting my feet on the arm of the couch. "And you have a bandage on your head." She continued calmly, still trying to stop her monstrous anger from coming out and choking me alive.

I know she is mad ever since she received a call from my teacher, but she is trying to hide it. I always knew she didn't like me skipping classes and there was no possible chance her blood won't raise from receiving that horrendous news.

"Uhm mom it was-"

"Yes. Yes I knew there was something wrong going on with you!" She death stared me from above my face while I nervously smiled knowing that I am fucked up.

"Now tell me-" Her yell was stopped by a random noise outside our house. It was a loud bump on our door followed by the sound of glass breaking into pieces. My mom scoffed and immediately went to the source of the sound while I slowly tiptoed away from her sight. I walk quietly upstairs and hid myself in my room alone, locking the door without making a sound. I sigh in relief looking around my room like I got lost finding the bathroom.

I slowly slide my back on the door letting my butt fall to the cold floor made of white tiles. I gazed upon the white wooden ceiling above me while I let out a hot breath from my mouth. Escaping could only get worse, and I knew that. Every decision I made was a mistake but I refuse to believe there were consequences. But the karma that I've been waiting for so long has already arrived and there's no stopping it or going back in time to make everything right. That's just a funny fantasy that you can only imagine. I lean my head on the door, still facing the ceiling. I tried to processed what happened yesterday. As if I already forgot the yesterday events, but I was just trying to recall it if it wasn't a dream. Obviously it was never a dream.

When Andrija took me on the rooftop to see the sunset, I didn't regret it at all. Even though I got scolded by my mom and I missed class hours, it was all fun. I thank him for risking his studies for me to see something beautiful.

I knew the first time I saw him, he'll be so kind and I was right all along. Though he can be weird around me sometimes which I understand. I am kinda not the best to hang out with but I try my best to get out of my comfort zone and it works in the end well.

I noticed he kept on smiling at me which I find really cute. He does the same things as Kosta like zoning out suddenly while he stares at me, letting out a weird laugh whenever it gets quiet and subtly tries to continue the conversation despite running out of topics to talk about. Are they twins? I kinda felt like they were when I pay attention to Andrija's behavior. It's almost the same as Kosta except Andrija likes music and that I know he doesn't like me. There was no way Andrija would fall in love with me. That's stupid. He needs someone who can reciprocate his feelings and not hurt his heart. And I am not that kind of person. I like someone else.

After the events that had happened yesterday I finally realized that I am crushing hard on someone. At first I was denying the fact that I like that person but as time goes by it's becoming a bit too obvious. I was trying so hard to ignore it but later then when he talks to me I find myself giggling mentally like it was a pleasure having his attention fully poured on my existence. It gets me excited many times that I could feel my adrenaline rushing through my veins.

I am not being delusional but I think he also likes me back. I don't know I can't explain why. I just feel like he does but I am not certain if my thoughts were correct. It's still a bit confusing to me. He gives mixed signals but that's normal because it's what teenagers do when they have a crush. Tries to hide their true feelings and not being too obvious with their intention. But there's also these other people who don't hesitate to show how much they love that one person and that they will never leave them. A bit cliché for me because sometimes those words were a lie and overused in movies.

Me and my father used to watch romance movies and those main lines were a bit too common in them. Later on after saying those words the end game were almost depressing and confusing.

So learning from those fictional novels I will never say those words because people do not stay for a lifetime. People arrive and go and that's the lesson life taught us. But I know deep inside it's hard to not get attached with those people that showed empathy, care and love towards you. I know it is also hard letting them go. But it is what it is. They don't stay that's the case.

Maybe they leave for character development..?

Who knows? I never asked an expert my whole life but I knew how to make theories and that they might be true for me.

...

The next day...

I carefully placed the well-cooked sashimi in my lunch box compartment and afterwards I placed the rice on the different compartment of my lunch box. I heard someone's footsteps walking downstairs, catching my attention I looked at who was causing the footsteps sounds. It was my sister Jen carrying her looking new backpack. "Thanks for washing my backpack sis!" She yelled while placing her backpack on the couch in the living room.

"Welcome." I simply said with a tired tone, showing no energetic side that I used to be after getting out of bed.

I closed my lunch box and put it inside of a wrapper that contained printed cute dogs as a design with big blue eyes.

I don't know what to do at this point. Should I apologize to mom? I know I need to but I don't know anymore. Maybe I should just write her a letter.

I used to be so sincere and professional when it comes to apologizing personally but after those traumatic events on America that happened to me. I forgot how to.