● I'd Lose Myself ● | Kosta X Reader(Y/n) | {X}

E i g h t e e n

Chapter 18 : Not so Awkward

I hopped in the car and see my sister and my mom already there sitting on their usual seats. My sister was playing zombie killing games on her phone while mom was just waiting for me to get settled. I tightly closed the door of the car and sat myself in a comfortable sitting position. I feel the engine of the car starting as mom twisted the car key. She turns on the air conditioner and waited for 5 minutes until take off. That whole time driving was just filled with pure awkward silence. I didn't hear any small talks at all, even a soothing music in the background playing on the radio. All we can hear was my sister's device playing a loud violent background music while slaying zombies. Mom didn't show any signs of anger nor frustration, all her senses were just focus on the road. Did she forgot what happened yesterday? No of course not. No one likes to bring that up right now even me.

Do I still need to apologize?

Why am I asking this to myself when I know it is the right thing to do. I know I am doubting at what I'm feeling right now and what I should do which is understandable. I know myself. Well just a little bit, I don't wanna spend my time finding my likings. Though I know what I liked and what I don't. But in the present time, I don't wanna think about any more other things like exploring what I am capable of and my other weaknesses that I should encourage. It's difficult finding myself again.

I am lost, again.

No.. wait.

I am always lost.

Not for long, I realized we finally arrived on school. My sister jumped out first and harshly closed the car door. I sighed while I help myself out of the car. But before I could fully touched the ground my mom called my name in the softest voice that itched my brain. I immediately stopped without looking at her. What does she want from me now? A hug? A farewell? Or obviously an apology.

...

"Be careful dear. Don't hurt your head no more." I slowly glance at her direction using my eyes in my peripheral vision. I see her smiling genuinely on the mirror. I thought to myself, doesn't she need an apology from me?

I furrowed my eyebrows in concern. Did she just forgive me without asking for anything? I think that would be unfair for someone like her to be so humble.

I know my mother was just worried about me and that I might ruin my future. I knew she cared for me that is why I understood that she has the right to be angry at me whenever I did something wrong. She raised me and helped me grow and now look at me a healthy teenager who's lost in thoughts.

I was always thankful to have a mother and that I wasn't neglected. I always felt her love burning through my soul whenever I watch her care and worry about me. It's insane knowing I had hatred for her just because of a simple reason. Jealousy. But as she realized sooner she communicated with me. She told me how she really felt and explained her side as a mother. At that time I realized I had no right to be her daughter.

...

I simply nodded at her request and hopped out of the car, closing the door in a gentle way as possible. Jen waved goodbye to her while I just stood there staring at the driver seat's window, trying not to burst out in tears. I watch as the car slowly drove away from our sights and hoping once again that same car and the same driver will come pick us up again back home to eat dinner. My eyes were piled up with my tears that I hold back from falling. My vision were watery and blurry because of that. I let a chuckle escape from my mouth happily while rubbing my eyes to clear my vision.

I hear my sister's sinister laugh beside me which got my attention that I stopped what I was doing.

"Mom has already forgiven you before you thought about apologizing sis. You're just too slow."

She grinned in an awfully ugly way watching the corners of my mouth slowly forming into a wide smile. She patted my shoulder while I laughed loudly in front of the school because of her hilarious face. Students were looking at the both of us confusingly while I still continued laughing like a pig.

"You can't just be..-" I snorted, trying to talk properly in my contagious crazy laugh. "Just be grinning like that!!"

"What?? You've fallen for my rizz don't you?" She snickered.

"Eww why would I?" I annoyingly rolled my eyes while keeping my pure smile. She pinched my cheeks before going in the opposite direction as me.

"See ya later sis." She said saluting at me while walking backwards towards her room. I waved my hand goodbye to her, my wide smile slowly goes back to a normal small smile as I watch her finally enter her classroom.

Family at peace...

I tucked both my hands on the pockets of my skirt, inhaling the fresh wind in the hallways. This time must be a special day since I rarely see students passing by the hallways. A special day? Maybe they went somewhere else?

I entered my room and I was met with a silent atmosphere. I saw that the bags of my classmates were on their seats but their presence was nowhere to be found. I placed my bag near Kosta's and gazed outside at the window. I see a huge crowd of students outside near the sports building. Ahh shit. I forgot that it was time for sports this whole day. We get to pick which sports we will play and just have fun.

I jolted and immediately ran outside as fast as I can to reach the sports building. That building was beautifully massive and honestly knowing we weren't stuck in the room all day got me excited. Today was friday, the best day to have fun before studying for hours tomorrow. The exams will be in next 2 weeks and I only have one week to study before we take the review exams, which is recorded so I need to pass that. This will be my last funtime before study sessions, I'll make this day worth it.

As I reached the building, students attention were all on me. Huh? Was I that super late?

I confusingly looked around me and thought maybe I am just late or maybe they thought I didn't knew about this because I was wearing a skirt and they were all wearing sports attire. Actually I am not participating on extracurricular activities so it's still fine for me to wear something like this.

I walk slowly in the crowd, trying not to maintain eye contact. The way they were looking at me had a mix of confusion and judging. What the hell? I was trying to find Kosta and the others but looks like I am lost inside a huge crowd with mean girls mocking me and pervertic boys looking at my legs. This is absolutely so annoying I'd rip their insides and-

"Y/n?" I heard a familiar male voice behind me. I turned around to see Kosta, and him wearing a sports attire. Woah.

He was wearing black shorts and a white plain shirt paired with ankle socks and rubber shoes. I notice that the kind of attire he was wearing was for something more a bit active. Because look at me wearing a long white sleeve polo paired with a dark blue skirt and black doll shoes on my white knee socks. If I'd play something that involves moving around a lot I'd get sweaty that fast.
And I might even show my underwear because of my skirt. My attire is not suitable for those kinds of activities because the fact that it will be hard for me to move around.

So judging by his attire, he isn't gonna be in the chess club? Which activity is he gonna participate on? I don't wanna be alone playing chess.

...

Or maybe you know what? Let's just defeat the whole chess club alone if I can.