overdramatic?.....

love?...

I'm not... Very good... At... Love?...

And I feel very hurt because of it... Everyone I loved or have a crush on... They just already love someone else.. Or already taken.. I feel unloved... My family... Even the people I love... My friends... They just act different..

I'd do anything to be loved... Even if it's only for a second... Even if it's just a hug... I'd actually appreciate it.... I was a bit of a loner when I was even born.. Perhaps my entire childhood. I was just a maid in the house. I did everything.. Or so I thought... So when I got in school, I joined tons of athletic sports and even go to matches like running, I was second or third place, when I came home to tell my mom, all she just did was ignore me and continue with his livestream with her friends... I'll just tell her... Later?...

Now... Actually... Love... Is next up.
Romantic love...

My first ever crush.. Eithan Dwayne.. In grade 1 or 2...we were friends... More like closed friends... I always go to his house and play with his siblings... Even admire her mother's cooking and even have a talk with his father... But now that it's 6th grade.. He probably doesn't even know me anymore.. And my friend Annika likes him... And after all... She gets ship with my crush everytime more then me so I had to lose feelings..

My second crush... Raffy siguan... He always flirts with me even though he has a girlfriend... And his older then me.. It feels wrong... And we don't even talk much... And I always talk bad about him like I was a tsundere...😶(kinda cringe) Now he ignores me... Sometimes..

My third crush... Christine Joyce... I never go out of the house sometimes... No one really talks to me... In fact... She was my first ever friend in my neighborhood... She was 7th grade while I was 6th grade... She's taken... By someone I hate... Lourd's cousin... He brought her chocolates and roses when it was valentines day... And I couldn't even give her a gift for valentines because I was nervous... I hated lourd's cousin... She was interested in boys... She never liked my hugs because she even hides behind random people when I want a hug... And now we don't talk much... she even sometimes hide on purpose.

My fourth crush... Is Gwen... A girl, yes..... I thought she was really cool and I admired him... For someone that has what I wanted... But now... She started to insult me and trash talk about me... So I had to lose feelings since i know she doesn't like me back.

My fifth crush... Is lourd Mauro... He was a taekwando... Handsome... Popular... Funny... Sometimes rude... Alot of girls like him... When it was 5th grade I started liking him... I wanted to be a taekwando when I was young... I always admired taekwando kids in movies... I didn't even notice he was handsome... But I noticed he was cute... We always got shipped in 5th grade... Even the mapeh teacher makes us partners in projects or assignments or even dances to get us close... But I was out of his league... I was a loner... While he was standing out... I didn't have a chance... When it was 6th grade.. I still liked him... But then... Me and lourd was seated together... And I was staring at him the whole time... He was so adorable when his just being playful like a child... But then the president noticed me... And said if I liked Mauro in front of him.. I definitely denied it awkwardly and said we were too young... But he said "wew, pake ko? Gagi." And that's when my heart suddenly ached... And the others laughed... While I was hiding my face in the desk.... I lost feelings.. Hatred?. Weeks went by and he started being... Touchy?... He somehow putted his hand on my wrist when I was putting my hand down on the desk... I got off-guard and pulled my hand away and pretended that it didn't happen...

Months went by and I made friends with Samantha and Annika... They're cousins... And for some reason I took a glance at lourd and noticed him playing with glitters and stickers.. he was so adorable I guess... He even putted stickers in his cheeks... I felt my stomach doing backflips... And I fell Inlove again... And it made my heart ached even realizing it.... I never had a chance with him... And I know it... And sometimes I even go to the stage to watch him train the other taekwando's... I went there for hours... Lourd was my crush and my idol... I admire him so much... But I'm just someone he ignores when he talks to my friends. Not really acknowledging my presence.

Months later again my friend samantha also hated lourd... But then he admitted that he loved Mauro... Now she's always saying romantic about him... Every other of my friends and her friends ship her with Mauro because she told everyone... While I didn't... I supported her but I kinda got annoyed.... I told her that I liked lourd too and now she just admitted that she did also... And its being overdramatic for me to be honest.... But I still love him... But I didn't want to... I wanted to make my friend Sam love dreams come true... But why can't I lose feelings for lourd?.... I deeply hated it.... But I hate being a third wheel for Sam and lourd... You know?...

It just feels selfish for what I'm doing... But I know there's someone that's feeling and having the same situation as mine. So I shouldn't just think about myself. It's selfish.

And I just realize... Love is something that you wanted and craved for but somewhat never get in the past time, But when you grow older, they're the one's that's now trying to give you those even when you already gave up... It's weird.. Maybe Unfair?...

But how would you feel if you we're me?.... Desperate for love exactly...

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1035 words... ^^