【ＪＯＳＥＰＨＩＮＥ】
Surprise streaks Hero's expression.
Then frustration.
Anger.
Some mix of emotions I don't quite recognize.
I'm not sure what that is. What it means.
But it's not compassionate understanding.
It's not patience and love.
It's not...
Fuck. I can't do this.
Those words are out there and there's no getting them back.
I try to find the right response, but my head is too fuzzy.
My heart is too heavy.
He doesn't want to understand.
I can't blame him, but I can't stay here either.
"That's about what I expected." I wipe my tears with the back of my hands. I'm sure my face is a blotchy mess, but there's no mascara to run.
I need thirty minutes and a fresh chai to fake normalcy.
I'll talk about it eventually. With someone. But not today. I can't stomach Dad's post-therapy need to discuss everything in excruciating detail right now.
I can barely think about it.
It screams through my head.
He hates me.
He's never going to forgive me.
No one is every going to accept me.
This is a mark on my permanent record. Josephine Langford, forever broken.
"Jo..." He stares back at me, the picture of confusion.
A million things claw at my throat. I love you. I'm sorry. Why can't you try to understand? Why can't I be enough for you?
None of them are right.
I'm not apologizing for hurting so badly I was out of options.
I've been ashamed of this for too long.
With other people, I can tolerate swallowing my shame.
But not with Hero.
He used to see me.
To love my broken parts.
I can't go backward. I can't accept less.
"I... I'm sorry it went this way." There. I'm not apologizing for what happened. It's condolences. It's a bullshit platitude, yeah, but it's all I've got.
"I do love you. I wish that was enough. But I can tell it's not."
He just stares, dumbstruck.
I rise on my tiptoes to kiss him one last time.
Fuck, he tastes good.
Like salt and ChapStick.
Like Hero.
The boy I loved.
The boy I have to let go.
I brush past him. Reach for the door.
He turns. "Jo..."
"Take care of yourself." I step into the sunlight and press the door closed.
That world—the one that belonged to me and Hero—dissolves with every step.
By the time I'm at the nearest coffee shop, it's a fuzzy blur.
A girl in love.
A boy who thought she hung the moon.
All the happiness in the world.
Until that faded.
Until I faded.
But that was me.
Every ugly part of it.
My name is Josephine Langford and, two years ago, I tried to kill myself.
I'm not running anymore.
YOU ARE READING
BROKEN (Herophine Fanfic)
ChickLitI lost her once. I won't lose her again. After my brother's death, I was drowning.She was my life raft. Josephine and I were opposites, the outspoken art student and the brooding athlete. She was passionate where I was apathetic, bright where I wa...
