BROKEN (Herophine Fanfic)

50-ＰＲＥＳＥＮＴ

JOSEPHINE

"I DIDN'T WANT TO GET better," I say. "I wanted to try again."

Hero stares at me, his green eyes streaked with confusion.

I'm not sure how long we've been talking.

Only that he's getting more and more lost.

"But I... I've been so ashamed, Hero." I blink back a tear. "You could never really talk about Bryce. You always blamed yourself. When I first thought about hurting myself, I was scared. I wanted to tell you. But I'd look at you and see all that guilt and anger. And I couldn't take that on top of everything you felt."

"I made it worse?"

That's not what I'm saying.

I'm saying everything wrong.

"No. Maybe." I suck a breath through my teeth, but it's too shallow. It barely fills my lungs. "That day I told you I took anti-depressants... It felt so good, when you accepted me."

"I did."

"I wanted that again. But I was too scared to lose what I had. You didn't see all of me. But you loved the parts you saw. And I... I couldn't even admit it to myself, most of the time. I always came at the thoughts from strange angles. Imagined it was something I'd seen in a movie. Or something I wanted to draw. Or... I don't know. It's not like I was ever sitting there thinking 'I can't let Hero find out I'm suicidal. That I'm going to kill myself.' I mean, I was, but not in those terms. Not that bluntly."

"What happened?"

"Huh?"

"After you got out?"

"My dad escorted me to Seattle. Watched me every minute until I checked into an inpatient hospital."

"Fuck, Jo..."

I don't know how to respond to that.

"You should have told me."

Or that.

Those emerald eyes are still so full of hurt and confusion.

I did all that.

I'm strong enough to face it now.

But only for so long.

"I have to go." My voice is soft. Barely a whisper. I'm out of mental energy. Out of soul-revealing confessions.

"Wait." He reaches into his messenger bag. Pulls out a lunch box. "Dinner. For the plane."

My cheeks flush. God, even with this, he's trying to take care of me. "Thanks."

"I..."

"Whatever you're going to say, don't. Please."

He just nods.

Together, we slide out of the booth.

Then he wraps his arms around me.

Everything inside me begs me to collapse in his arms.

I don't.

I make it back to Dad's room.

To his rental car.

The airport.

I make it all the way to the handicap stall in the bathroom.

Then I collapse.

Cry like a baby until final boarding call.

If I lose him now...

God, please let me keep him.