Chapter 16
"Can I borrow you just for today"
Nasa bahay kami ngayon ni Aqui, dinala niya ako dito para mas komportable kaming makapagusap
I was in his terrace, there are 2 sofas around a rectangle wooden table, there's also a lot of chairs lining up infront of us, it was near the wall where you can see the view of the city more clear and near, while sa mga gilid-gilid may mga halaman doon
I take a deep breath before speaking up "I think I'm fine but I found myself wondering..." I feel his eyes on me through my periperal view but I just look at the sky
"A family is suppose to feel like home, but why can't I feel it with them, 20 plus of existence but I still can't feel the love of my family, I celebrate birthdays, Mothers day, Family day and Holidays alone, If I'm not alone I'm with our Yaya and with manong Isko, our driver, I'm not complaining I swear I'm not, they treat me... fine, they never beat me up, lock me or show violent on me in any way, but thats even a problem, I can't say they are bad, I can't tell if they're abandoning me, I don't know If I even have the right to feel like this, but I feel like shit when I'm with them, I feel like I don't exist everytime I'm inside of our home, they didn't do anything bad to me that's why I don't think running from them or escaping from them is a good thing" Tears are flowing from me when I said that
My broken tone break even more "I actually have a sister, she's lovely, pretty, kind and smart, compare to me my sister recieve every kind of love this world can offer, the love of my parents, love from her friend, love from her lover, and love from everyone and that include me" I smile when I said that
"My sister gets every kind of attention, they said the youngest is the one that gets more love and care from their parents but I disagree, because between me and her, I don't have a share, my mom love her, she support her whatever she do, wheather it cost a lot of money, wheather it hurt me, as long as she's happy it's fine ganon din si papa, kung yan ang gusto mo gagawin natin yan, inggit na inggit ako sa ate ko, but you know there was once an incident, I was walking from school kasi..." huminto ako ng matabunan ng mga hinkbi ko ang sasabihin ko
He didn't move he just keep watching me, and listen to me, and that's mkre than enough, because what I need right now is just someone ear and someone presence that's all I need
huminga ako ng malalim, pinunasan ko ang aking luha at nagpatuloy "kasi wala si papa non, elementary ako malapit lang ang bahay ilang kilometro lang, I waited first, naghintay muna ako kay manong kaso hindi ito dumating ni isa walang dumating, at that time I'm so scared kasi pa gabi na, wala ng tricycle na dumadaan ang teacher ko umuwi, umuna na, sinabihan niya akong umuwi pero naghintay parin ako kasi alam kong may susundo sakin...pero wala, ng dumilim naglakad na ako, patawid ako ng kalsada" I cried again my breath is getting hazy, my heart is clenching while recalling all of those memories
"Pa-patawid ako ng bigla akong mabangga ng isang kotse, I was carry to a hospital, knees are injured, head is bleeding, hair is a mess, clothes are dirty, I was at worse state, my parent rush toward the ICU but do you know what they said nang makarating sila... "but hindi mo hinintay si manong Isko", ang ate mo na bully tas dadag dag ka pa sa problema my mom said, while my dad he just, he just watched me, instead of asking me If I am fine, If I were okay, If something hurt, sinisi lang ako nila I was badly injured, I was in pain pero... hindi man lang sila nag-alala" humikbi na ako ng tuluyan nang hindi ko na makayanan ang sakit sa puso ko my cries and sob fill the room
Lumapit na nang tuluyan si Aqui sakin inangat niya ang ulo kung nakayuko at sinandig ito sa braso niya
I cried more when he did that, he's other hand fill the coldness of my shoulder, and then slowly, he pat me
"I really hate them..." sabi ko but I still love them
"I know It's not okay, and It will never be fine Eli, I also know that you don't deserve all of that, and that you deserve not just the best but every beautiful things in this world, but... Eli don't lock yourself in hating them, It's not that you can't part ways with them, It's just that you choose to stay with them because you still didn't get the thing you want, and you still crave for their love" I bit my lower lip and turn my fist into ball, yes he was right
"Set yourself free, stop thinking about them, and start thinking about yourself, stop finding their love but start finding your love...start loving yourself, start accepting and embracing your whole self"
"How... how Aqui, pano ko magagawa yan, may natitira pa bang pagmamahal sakin, inorder for me to love myself I have to forget all of those memories thats the only way to set my self free, away from sadness, suffering and pain"
"Hindi mo kailangan kalimutan ang lahat, o ilibing ang mga iyun para makalaya, Eli you are who you are today because of those scars, no matter how hard you erase those, kahit na alisin mo pa yan, those memories will never fade, scars are meant to heal but not to disappear, it will become a part of your body and yourself... but you know what, gaano man ka pangit ang naranasan mo, it will never signifies the beauty you have, at gaano man karami ang sugat na naranasan mo, alam kung lahat ng yun gagaling, kasi you were meant to be a warrior not a princess Eli, in this life full of ugliness I know that your beauty will spread and defeat all of those."
"That scars, someday you will accept, embrace and understand it once you love yourself"
Can I really do that can I really defeat all of the battles ranging in my head, can I become a warrior like what he said, can I accept this scars, can I love myself...can I?
"Focus on that Eli, starting today tuturuan kitang mahalin ang sarili mo" bumibigat na ang halukikap ko dahil sa kakaiyak kaya hindi ko na siya maintindihan, I felt his lips on my head before I fell asleep
YOU ARE READING
Show Yourself To Me
Любовные романыHe is my imagination, My dream to be exact. He's perfect, kind eyes, hair that shines under the sunlight, kind and gorgeously handsome and I am here in my my bedroom dreaming of him and waking up with out him. 3 years of my life and he become a cycl...
