If I Matter To You

TICTAC

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BE-

I jammed the stop button on my phone for the loud alarm sound. 

So annoying- but if it isn't loud and annoying, then I'd never wake up.

Ok...first things first-

1) Brush

2) Take a shower

3) Get ready

4) Eat

5) Go to the human version of hell- school.

After getting ready, I noticed that I was running a bit behind schedule, but food is a priority, and I can run, so there's no need to rush. 

"Hanni, did you pack your bag?"

"mm."

"What about your pencils?"

"yes"

"Your bottle?"

"yes mom..."

"What about your notebooks? Remember last year how you forgot to bring your math notebook because-"

"Mom- I packed everything this time. You don't have to worry, seriously!" I replied a bit agitated.

"Hanni, you know I'm just worried about you-"

"Oh- it's already getting late- my bus'll be there in 4 minutes- sorry mom gotta go, bye!" I left for the bus stop.

...

I took a seat inside the bus, looking at the window outside, when suddenly, I hear a loud, excited chattering from a couple of students who enter the bus. I immediately notice Danielle again, although she didn't notice me.

She took a seat in front of my seat, still not noticing my presence. 

I decided to put in my earphones and listen to music, tuning out the rest of the world.

Somehow, I felt a few eyes on me, but I dismissed it.

(Inside the school)

'hey isn't that her?'

'oh my gosh, it's her'

'is it really her?'

'she looks ok...I guess..'

'he really likes her?'

'I'm way better than her, why her?'

'No way it's her'

I looked around me, to see people... staring at me? No way they're probably just...nope...they're really staring at me? Is there something on my face? Do I look weird? Am I daydreaming? What's happening?

"Hey! H-Hanni! Uh- can we talk?" I see Sunoo, scratching the nape of his nose.

Is this real?

What is going on....why...is Sunoo, Star Athlete, Grade A student, Kid of the principal, talking to me..

...

"..." 

It's so awkward.

God.

Please get me out of here.

Somehow, I've been swindled and dragged away by Sunoo beside the school's library.

"...so, uh- Hanni...I- I need to apologize in advance. Look uh- I really didn't intend for this to happen...I mean, you know, the whole umm...letters thing uh look this might have been really bad for you I mean look you might not even you know- uh feel that way but look- I I really...need you to think hard about this- I mean, what to do for the future. So I've come up with a proposal- um...Hanni? You good? You're...not really listening.." Sunoo waved his hand in front of my face. 

"Uh- what? Sorry, what's going on? Why are you talking to me like this?" I shrugged.

I'm going to be completely honest. All I heard from his was- 'uh, um, Hanni, this' and a few other incomprehensible things. 

"Hanni...look.."He looked at me seriously.

"...I wrote a few er...letters about how I liked you and, um, they got leaked over the summer...basically yesterday...listen, I'm really sorry, ok? But we need to move on from this and think of a solution- not be stuck of the past?" 

"Wait, wait, wait..what? You like me?" I raised my eyebrows in confusion.

"Hahaha...funny joke, you're really funny Sunoo, because you..HAHA...me? ME?" I chuckled. 

When I looked at him, he still had that serious look.

Oh shit.

He's being deadass.

Oh crap crap crap-

"You're being-"

"forreal, yes, listen I'm sorry, ok? But I really need you to do something, I've thought about this for some time now, literally since yesterday. I need you to...be my girlfriend." He looked straight at me.

Did I hear that right?

"Listen, I don't believe any of this ok? What post? I need to see it. Please."

He pulled up the exact post, posted by someone anonymous.

"No, I- why don't you just tell them it's false? I- I don't understand."

"Hanni, it's too late, the damage has been done, and no one's gonna believe us. Please think about my offer. I'll give you some time- by the end of today. Please, if you say no, my- my whole career will be gone...I won't have the chance to be the owner of my Grandpa's prestigious school, I won't be the same, please- I'll give you anything you want- anything," He looked at me pleadingly.

"Sunoo, but what about me? I don't even know how to properly hold a conversation- I've never even dated anyone! I don't know how to be convincing- how to be popular- how to deal with the haters- how to do anything social! I just wanted to graduate silently.." I whispered the final bit.

"Hanni, I understand. But if you say no, regardless, it'll be the same. Even if you don't- feel the same way- I mean, it'll be better this way...please please think about this.."

I'd never seen him this desperate.

Thank god the first bell rings though.

"I'll...think about it...I need time to process Sunoo...I'll let you know later."

I got up to leave to my first class.

"Wait! Before you go, can I get your number? To keep in touch, I mean. I'm busy all day, so you could just text me your reply."

I nodded in agreement, and gave him my number.

What the actual fuck, Hanni. 

This feels like a really bad dream.