Twilight: Red Rain

Some Bromantic Evenings

"This development puts me between a rock and a hard place, and a real hard place at that," Charlie said when we got home "I want to spend time with Bella, she is my daughter, but since she's staying with you and your family, and coupling that with Aro's ruling, I don't think I can even be near her without violating my parole. I still can't believe that you vampires have a law against breaking off relationships" and Carlisle said "Well, if we weren't all hunted to near-extinction by humans in the 16 and 1700s, there wouldn't be. But that's beside the point, this is a problem" "Well, I think I have a solution" I said "And what's that?" asked Charlie, and I said "Well, Jacob and I have been working on a stand-up routine together, and we think you're gonna love it" "pero ¿y si no le gusta?" said Jacob and I said "relax Jacobo, he's gonna like it" then, Charlie said "okay, but just tell Bella afterward if I get sent to Vampire Jail or not" "well" I said "since they're just that unforgiving, the Volturi will more likely have you publicly burned at the stake on live Vampire Television once they take you into custody, either that or they'll publicly draw and quarter you on live Vampire TV" "oh...kaaay" said Charlie, nervously, before he left to use the bathroom "well" said Jacob "let's hope this works" "yeah" I said "or Charlie's likely to feel a real burnout"

Charlie's POV: "What's the deal with salt shakers, I mean, the restaurant people fill 'em up every night at closing time, and I mean where does it all go?" said Edward, as he began his stand-up routine "also" added Jacob "do you know why Edward almost got arrested back in 1930? Well, I don't know about you, but I heard that it was because he tried to rob a BLOOD BANK!" I then said "These jokes are so bad, they're funny" to Carlisle, who was sitting next to me. 

Later on, Edward was at the hospital visiting Carlisle (so he could have legal access to the blood bank) when I arrived, and asked him "hey, have you seen Bella anywhere?" and he said "oh, she and Loba are going to a wolfpack meeting with Jacob, probably to discuss the activity of illegal loggers in their forest" "okay," I said before Edward picked his walkman back up, and played 'Hotel California' on it, and I said "hey, I like that song too" Edward responded "cool, it's my favorite song," I asked "any particular reason?" and he said "because...it represents, at least for me, the struggle I go through between my good nature and my hunger for human blood, a struggle that I go through every day, not least because of Bella, and it's a struggle I feel trapped in like the guy in the song is trapped in that hotel" which I found deeply moving

Back to Edward: well, it's safe to say that all of that worked, Charlie and Carlisle became Bromantic partners, and that sweetened me in Charlie's eyes, one night, I was in the guest room watching Bella sleep like I always do, when Charlie came in and asked "Why do you do this every night, I mean, I'm a police chief, not a psychiatrist, but this isn't normal" and I explained "well, Carlisle and I are researching if there's a way to make Vampires emulate human sleep since we as vampires don't sleep, and Bella is our lab monkey, as it were" Charlie said, "oh, well, good luck in your scientific endeavors!" 

But, the biggest high we hit was on my 110th birthday. When that rolled around, Charlie said "I think you're gonna like what I got you" and he gave me a T-shirt that read 'She Thinks I'm Crazy' Bella then said "I got my own" and she showed me a shirt she was wearing that read 'I Know He's Crazy' and Charlie said "I even got my own" and he showed off a shirt reading 'They're Both Crazy' and Bella said "well, you got us there!" So, it seemed like my life couldn't get any better, I had won Charlie over, didn't have to lie to him anymore, and now had secured my relationship with Bella in his eyes once again, but just when it seemed like life couldn't get any more awesome...life stopped being awesome