Yours Truly Chapter 1

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Sleepless nights I spent waiting

 In the depths of despair

Never daring to come close enough

To look in your chair

Cos something tells me everytime

That I come near

That you would be in there

Watching the football, holding a beer

So instead

My eyes lay

On the wide open skies

I dream of your smell

& your laugh reserved only for you and for I

I lived through the sadness, grief and denial

I never stopped believing

That I would again see your smile

Recently I've been thinking

&I know that it's true

That I'm destined to be alone and never with you

Cos everyone I love

I somehow seem to hurt

& I don't know why

Somedays I feel as useless as dirt

But every time

I come near

I make myself turn around

Before

I can come close enough

To 

Turn the handle, open the door

You are not in there

I have to admit

I have to stop pretending

God I'm a mess, my grief seems never ending

God I'm insane

But I want you here

To be able to hold you, to see your face crystal clear

I need you to be here

Cos

I'm falling apart

And

If I'm honest 

Without you

I suck

There are mornings where I can barely get out of bed

I can't do anything at all these days

Except long

Long for a dream that can never come true

No matter how real it may seem

And God I know that this is stupid 

But I still think of those days

That we skipped class to smoke

Underneath

The suns' rays

But I guess there's 

No better

Time

Than right now

Cos Im such a coward

I've waited till now

To say three f*king words 

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