I've been here in the C build for about a week: and I've gotten to know Kior , she was 18 and she lived with her grandpa because her mom was in a another state. Her father was in her life and he's the one that's been sending her letters. He's in the military. I haven't gotten any from my family. Not even from Jodie I wonder did he get out or what. Today was Saturday so we get 2 hours outside time. I grabbed my journal Mrs. Wang gave me and a pen from the front desk and we all went outside without having to be chained up. A few other mothers had their wobbling toddlers in the grass playin.. I wonder what's mother hood like. Kior came and sat next to me under a oak tree.. I noticed 2 other girls our age pointing and staring at us.. "you know them I asked her... " Nahh not really they prolly know you..
I never seen them before though. One of them had a son and he was playing with the toy cars and the other one had maybe like a 4 month old daughter. One of the girls yelled JODIEE!! And started laughing... my heart began to beat fast.. "who is Jodie Kior asked me while she ate cheese. "Umm he's my bestfriend also the father of our child .. I said slowly. "Now that's tea... do you think Jodie know them... "Idek me and him was tight he never introduced me to them. I sat there quietly tryna write in my journal but my brain is just so messed up right now I can't even think
Later that day Ms. Angela came and said I had a visitor. She put me in cuffs and we walked out of the C Building to The main. Soon then I saw my sister sitting there smiling happily tryna put on a brave face. I picked up the phone and sat down. "Heyyyy lanieeee I said trying not to cry you look so pretty. "Aww thanks Ari how you doing in there? .... Umm I'm ok I'm still tryna get used to everything... have Jodie gotten out of jail I immediately asked her. "Umm I seen Barbie yesterday she say she gonna write you a letter about everything. But I think he got out like last week...
My heart began to feel like I couldn't grasped air... why haven't Jodie came to seen me or even written a letter does he even know I'm doing a year and 6 months... "ariii please don't stress over that boy okay .... "Wymmm Im doing everything by myself literally with no support .... I started crying wishing God would just take me .... I felt alone inside the walls.... "Arri Ari it's okay I promise it's gone get better... momma is worried sick about how you doing down here and she talked to dad he said don't worry and that he loves you forever.. oh and I got some news to tell you .. "whaat I asked nervously and scared...
She soon then held up a ultra sound to the screen... "nalanieeeee no wayyyy!!!
"Mhmmm girl I found out last week in my dorm room... I was like ain't no way.. "that's crazy girl our kids is literally gonna grow up together. How far along are you I asked looking at her stomach. I'm only 6weeks your prolly like 2 months I can't wait to see if it's a boy or a girl. I sat there quietly staring at here my older sister is growing up. "Whaaa Ari why u staring like that"
P.0 - Times up phones off.
"Imma write you girl don't worry we love you. They chained me up and we walked back to the C building... I opened my cell and Kior wasn't here she was prolly in the cafeteria... I got in bed and went to sleep.
They next day was Cirmatic circle where all the moms our age and all the moms that's 21 and up have to be separate groups and we talk about experiences. I didn't wanna do that I was already mad at Jodie for not even reaching out... No wonder pops said when you jail your homies bail. Hey girl Cirmatci circle is starting and we gotta be there we ain't got no choice. Kior was showing a lil more then I was. " I got up brushed my teeth and walked down the hall and it was a big spacious area there was play pins I sat next to Kior as we waited for our Mentor Angela to come. "Alright guys mybad for being late MsAngela said grabbing a seat in front us. So how are all you guys... Good good everyone said. I notice one of the girls that was outside the other day was staring at me. Do she know me I said in me head. "Okay today what we are going to talk about is mother hood I am mother to 2 beautiful boys Xavier and Xavon.. miss angela said, and sometimes it can be very challenging even for you first time moms.. So Frankie how is it being a mom for the first time.
That was the other girl That was outside holding the 4 month old.
"Umm it's very very hard sometimes I wanna scream and cry but right now I have support from my mentor and my grandpa so it gets easier and plus Zoe gives me hope of getting out of here soon. "That's wonderful.. let's choose Stastia how is it raising a son here in prison.. "hmmm well it's not something I woulda thought I would be going through but he's only 6 months tryna walk but I'm grateful for him and I think it helps passing Time and plus studying to get my Ged. Okay its good girls to have goals something to look forward too. After a few other girls went she looked at me and Kior the only 2 girls who haven't went yet. "Soo Nina ... Miss Angela said with a bright smile ... I know this is your first time and I wanted to know how has being pregnant affects you do you feel the baby moving? I sat quietly tryna to answer the question the best way possible. "Umm so like I'm only 2 and half months and I barely feel it move but at first when I found out I was soo devastated cause I never thought it would happen to me.. and when I saw the ultra sound I was like dang it's real. Everyone started laughing. But it only affects me in a good way. Great!! I'm glad to hear. And Kior sense you're more far along during you pregnancy what cravings have you had ? "I'm not gone lie I've had some weird craving like I wanted to eat yarn or something with that texture.
After group meeting I went to all my classes and ate a plain sandwich.. I was missing my mother I think being homesick has officially arrived. After the doors shut for everyone to go bed I grabbed my journal and pen and sat next to the window it's the only form of light.
Dear, momma I know you don't wanna speak to me and that's fine I just wanted to say I'm very sorry for everything that I've done I'm sorry that I wasn't the child you wanted me to be ... but all I know is my love for you is everlasting... thankyou I appreciate you for coming to the trial oh and today officially makes 2 and half months that I'm pregnant
Love you - Ari Nina Carter
I folded the letter and put it under my pillow I just know this journey is finna be a hell of a ride.
