razors hurt

chapter 10:

-Clifton-

5:58 p.m.

Ella's been gone for about a month. I'm now officially 16, and I had the best party, except for the fact that Ella wasn't there to celebrate with me. at least I know she's safe from herself there.

The hospital she's at is called; 'herewith shell lane teen mental institution'. It's for biological girls aged 12 through 20.

I can finally go visit her on Sunday. I can't wait to see her! I hope she's getting better. I don't know what I'd do without her anymore! her parents have gone to visit but she refused to see them. I hope she doesn't do the same thing for me, I would die if she didn't want to see me.

I picked at my healing scars, trying not to cry from the pain. everything that's happened has mentally and physically exhausted me. Everything's getting harder day by day! Ella was one of the only reasons I was still functioning, without her I don't know what to do.

-Ella-

6:03 p.m.

I love this place I never want to leave! It's so comforting since everyone's just like me! I'm not the weird girl with scars here, I'm the normal girl who just want help. Actually, I've made more friends in here so I have my whole life. Although some of them are 20 they still get me, and some are like 12. Others are my age.

You share a room with someone your own age; my roommate is called Addi Volklow. she's so sweet, with her brunette hair and emerald green eyes. she's everything I have ever really wanted to look like. but she always goes on about how much she hates herself, I think she's perfect. It's the only thing we've ever disagreed on.

It's hard to believe that I've been here for a month now, it's felt like nothing. My parents try to visit me every week or so, I always turn them away. They are one of the reasons I'm so bad, so sick. I've made the guards at the door even refuse to let them in, or even on the premises.

***

Sitting in the café, I was talking to addi and some of the other girls who we're apart of our little group. There was 6 of us; me, addi, Luciana, Lizabeth, Theodosia and Maddy. We had nicknames for each other based on what you were in for. My name was bathtub, original.

Luciana, bong, was 17, dirty blond hair and grey eyes. She was in for her addiction to weed and other drugs. She has been forced to get better. She's always yelling how she never as addicted and that they shouldn't keep a mentally sain person here. Maybe she's also here for other reasons.

Lizabeth (lizzie), food, was 13, black hair and jade green eyes. She was in for her eating disorder, she got so bad that she didn't eat for almost a month and lost twenty kilos', she was originally 40kg on her. She's recovering well, but there are nights where I hear her throwing up. She's in the room next to mine.

Theodosia (Theo), baby killer, was 11, she was in for suicide attempt. She was brought in three days ago. They weren't meant to let her in, but they made an exception for her, because what eleven-year-old should go through that. Her hazel eye's looked glassy and hollow, like there was nothing inside her. Her brown hair covering her face, hiding the bruise on her cheek. Addi made sure she was welcome.

Maddy, cuts, was 15, she was in for self-harm, suicide attempts and a terrible alcohol addiction. Her dirty blond hair was in a loose bun and half over her face. Her brown eyes we're focused on her porridge. She was mostly taking care of Theo.

***

I know it's bad to feel like you finally belong in a place of mentally insane teenagers, but I do. I love these girls. They make me feel welcomed, loved and cherished. Every time I talked to one of them, I feel like I want to be in here, with these girls forever.