razors hurt

chapter 14:

-Clifton-

Ella's dismantled sharpener watched me pace around my room, calling my name, knowing it was my weakness, my demise. Resisting myself, I shut my eyes, let myself fall backwards onto my wall, and sink into the corner of my room.

Ella's hoodie hugged me close, her scent engulphed me, comforting me. catching my tears, her hoodie was my only sores of comfort. The calls from the sharpener blade got louder and louder in my head. with every passing second, my resistance grew smaller.

***

I gave up resisting.

***

"Clifton!" I woke up to Alexa screaming. I had fallen asleep in my corner; dried blood stained my arm. "oh my god! Dad! Dad get in here, please!" calling for my father, she got her phone and started calling an ambulance.

***

Today was the first day in my life I ever saw my dad cry.

Today was the first day in a long time I've seen my dad do something other then drink and laze around all day.

Today was the first day in a long time I've seen my dad give a shit about me since mum died.

***

"A what?" I screamed, I was not going to a mental hospital. I refused. It didn't help Ella, so it wont help me!

"cliff." Alexa begged

"Lex?" I was pissed.

"it's what's best for you, please. The people in our lives have had enough hurt, why make them hurt more?"

I couldn't care less, if I died, I died. If I didn't, then so be it. I do not care! I am never, ever, going to a mental hospital. EVER!

"Clifton? Please?" my dad asked, he'd stopped drinking these past 24 hours. He wasn't completely sober, but he was the best I've seen him in a long while... at least 18 months. "please buddy?"

"don't... you... dare... call me... buddy!" I barked. That was dad's nickname for me when I was a baby, and he hadn't given two flying fucks about me in, what felt like, forever. So, whatever the cost, the nickname, buddy, died, along with mum. "it's Clifton to you, do you understand?"

Dad's eyes looked longingly at me, tears forming in his used to be lifeless eyes. "bud- Clifton. It pains me to say this but, I know I haven't been the best dad ever, or even there for you in a little while, but, I want to help you, you're my little boy." I stared at him, hatred fuelling my next actions.

"go, fuck, yourself. You... are not, my dad... not even my father. Nor am I... your 'little boy'. Do you understand? Now get out and leave me alone." I saw Alexa watching me, tears flowing down her face. I read her message that her, usually, gorgeous and happy eyes sent me.

'even me?'

"even you Lex, I'm sorry." I could see her pain, but I didn't care.

As soon as they left, I cried, I cried myself to sleep.

***

Waking up, I wasn't in my loud, monitored room anymore. It was silent, calm, peaceful.

"Clifton? Hi, I'm nurse grace. I'm going to be the one who helps you settle in."