Sometimes I think it would be so much easier if all of my abusers really were shitty people. Some of them were, and they were easy to hate, and then easy to stop hating because they weren't worth my hate. But the ones that were kind sometimes? The ones who loved me? The ones who I have some really good memories with? Who did things for me just to make me happy? I keep trying to think of them as nothing but abusers because it makes them feel less human. But when I think about those good times, how monstrous I try to make them seem doesn't matter. Because somewhere deep down, a part of me still believes that they were always truly good people, and that at some point I must have done something wrong to be treated as badly as I was. Because how could someone I have so many good memories with be the same horrible person from my flashbacks? How could they do that if they cared about me? What was the reason if it wasn't my fault? And why... why did such wonderful memories... have to be tainted with so much pain when I look back at them?
***
8/1/2023
One of their birthdays is today. I was going to just ignore them cuz I have no reason to contact them, but after thinking about it... It just didn't seem right. And a quick texted didn't seem like it could be that bad. It wasn't too bad, but... It did make me kinda sad remembering the conversations we used to have where we were both laughing and stuff.
YOU ARE READING
The Knife
PoetryShort story poem thing, lol. Idk, 330 words. Literally. I checked. So just read it. If you don't like it... you wasted like 2 minutes. I did mention stabbing someone, so like... If you're into that it's there... *** Okay, so cuz I made this last yea...
