Las Vegas

8. How i can be here

Bright
I dont know but decision should consider every party.

Are you okay, win ask me. I nod and look at him a bit worry. I am sorry, i said. Its okay,he said and show me the first aid. Lets do it like our series, he said try to light my mood. Both of us chukle and then keep quiet to let him treat my injury. Its beautiful, win suddenly said. What, i ask him because i cant get where it come from. The way both of you care about each other , its beautiful, win said. May be he is the right person for you. He is caring and loving person compare to me, he said again. I smile and look at him. Its because i am not the one, i said and look at him dearly. You will be like phi mile, when you found the right one, i said again. Win now become teary and slowly hug me. I am sorry bai, thank you for forgive me he said. I hug him sincerely this time. I am sorry too i said. Its okay now, because you always the best on screen partner i have, i said. Both of us look at each other and start gigling like the way we used to before. I am really happy that i can be sincere to win again.

I really dont know how to response to phi mile. He just in situation which he really need my support right now. There is no love, i know that but we are two people who are hurt and keep comforting each other. I will always try to be there like him who been there for me. But being in marriage is different thing. I cant hurt phi apo. I need to convince phi mile and stop their love bickering. I now already at home after finish my show. I try to meet phi apo, but both win and phi mile dont let me go near phi apo. They worry that he will hurt me again.
After a long thought i finally initiate to message phi mile for the first time.

B : Phi, can i see you
M: If you want to talk about divorce the
answer is no
B: Okay i wont, but we need to talk
M: About what
B : Us, me , you and phi apo

I keep looking at my phone because phi mile did not response to me half an hour ago. Is he angry, i ask myself. I am learning a new thing about him today. He can be very stubborn if he want. Its okay,  i will try again tomorrow and go to my kicthen. While humming cooking my ramen, i heard a door bell. Is it win, i ask and quikcly run to my door. Since this is well guarded neighbourhood i can be a bit careless and quickly open the door. Phi, i call phi mile who look a bit cold standing at my door. Please coming,  i said softly. Phi i am having ramen for late dinner. You want to joint me, i ask him try to break the ice. Without any response again he sit at my mini bar. Can you handle spicy food, i ask him and he just grab the fork and start eating. He look a bit cute right now but i need to calm down and discuss like a gentleman.
Now i am waiting at my mini bar while phi mile doing the dish. I quickly organized my coffee table and let phi mile put 2 cup of coffee.

Are you okay now phi, i ask him gently. I am not the one who hurt, he said a bit cold. Now i smile ackwardly and hold my lips. Its okay now, i lie because its really sting when i eat ramen before.
Phi, let me see phi apo, i will explain everything. Then we will proceed with the divorce, i said. I am waiting for his response but he still choose to be really quite. I talk to win and he understand our situation, and i believe i can explain and talk to phi apo too. I try to convince him again. No need, he said coldly. I try to protest but stop when i see his cold eyes. Its over for us. You dont need to worry he said again. But i am worry, i said and look at him. I dont want be a reason for you to break up, i said clearly. Dont overthinking, its not because of you. You dont give that big impact in my judgement, he said cold and clear. Phi,  you.. i close my mouth and a bit sulky. how could you said that to me, i said slowly. He have been two timing me for nearly two years. I try to give him a chance, because i know he is confuse about his sexuality. I am the one who courting and work hard in our relation. I am giving him time to identify his identity but it over now,  phi mile said with no emotion. I really cant say anything. I have so much to say before but after he put it this way i lost it all. I am tired, he suddenly said and lay on my sofa. Again i look at him who now close his eyes. I adjust the temperature and start reading my script. But honestly i cant focus on my script but keep looking at sleeping phi mile. I finally get up and get a blanket and put on phi mile. Will he sleep here , i ask myself and try to focus on my reading. I will let him rest today,  because today event is maybe too much for him. I am glad i dont see any news about our back stage argument.
It also feel nice because i have been alone all the time. Even he is not talking to me, the fact he is here is so comforting.  I miss my mom a bit less.

I look around and find me in my room.
How can i be here.

08.08.23