Las Vegas

14. Am i dreaming

Bright
Its hurt so much but i cant blame you

He was being weird after the day he come home guilty ask for my forgivenes. If i am not mistaken he want to talk about apo. So i cut him because i dont want to hear anything and he dont need to explain himself. Dont he suppose to pay me 1B for rules no 5 i ask myself and chuckle. I am hurt to the point i cant be sad anymore. I let the destiny decide.
The way he look at me is not as same as before. I can see guilty. I dont need guilty. I really dont expect anything and it is his right. I am become the burden and obstacle for him here. Like before everything is depend on him. I just wait for him.

I look around my old apartment. Its been so long for me to be here. It really need good cleaning. I am happy phi mile was busy today so i grab this chance to come here and clean the house. I dont know why but i think i need to prepare for something. Phi mile never talk about apo anymore after that. He still the same phi mile, but he lost his  beautiful sparkle eyes. It hurting me to look at that. He suppose to have a happy life. Maybe that is something that i cant give to him. I might be give him comfort and support but never love. For someone who believe in love, i know how it hurt.

With my own song enchoing my house i try my best to clean my house. Every part of it make me chuckle and laugh when i remember all our memory.
I try to clean as fast as i could. I dont want my husband to wait for me. When i busily mopping the floor i heard what are you doing here phi mile ask me.
I turn around and look at my husband sour face. I chuckle and quickly greet him. What are you doing here phi i ask him cheerfully. Do you need something i ask phi mile. Lets go he said coldly.  Okay i said a bit shock. After getting ready i quietly follow phi mile to his car. Based on this situation i dont think he will let me drive. Phi i am hungry can we eat out tonight i ask try to change the situation. Or am i too ugly now i ask and then laugh. I must look really sloppy now i add. He dont reply to me but stop at one of wellknown restaurant. Phi, i hold his hand when he try to open the door. Let eat at home. I am too sloppy now i said. Who care he ask, you are my husband, you can be as sloppy and ugly as you want he said and get out the car. I try to tidy up before get into the restaurant. No one can beat your beauty here he said gently. Or do you want me to praise you, that why you pretend to be ugly he ask me. Opps you got me i said and smile to him. He finally smile and lead me to our private room. I am glad that he can smile now.

What are you doing i shout at apo when he push win down. So here you are he said and quickly come to me. Win again stand between me and apo. What do you want he ask apo coldly. Its not your business apo said. Get lost bitch phi apo said to me. Mile have enough of you. Dont you have brain to read that he dont want you but force by your stupid marriage he ask me loudly. I ask all my win and my team to leave me. Win look very angry and i am so proud of win. I know we are born to be best friend. He try his best to protect me. If he know how hard i try to be at his level, all of this wont happen. I am sorry that i choose to keep silent instead of talking to him. We are partner who grow together and we dont need judgement from unimportant people. As long as we respect each other, i dont care about anything. Win try to refuse but i really need to talk to phi apo. You know i can take care of myself i said calmly. I am used to phi mile calmness and almighty attitude. What apo have now is desprate. You are barking at the wrong tree i said calmly. Apo look at me with his big eyes. I will leave if phi mile ask me to leave. We have that bonding that cant be broken by this mere issue i said. If you want me to leave ask phi mile to ask me leave him. I am willing to leave if he ask me to i said again. He try to punch me like before, but this time i bravely hold his hand. I let you punch me before because i felt guilty. You cant touch me if i dont allow it i said and push him a bit harder. After that with all anger phi apo kick all the dustbin and coffee table before yelling at me.
You will regret this he  said and leave when win coming to my waiting room.

Like always i am waiting for my husband on the swing. I look how our picture end at 2 month ago. This maybe our last picture together i said and touch our picture. Phi i scream when he suddenly bring me into the room. Its cold he said  and try to leave me.  Phi i hold his hand and pull him to sit beside me. I look at his dull eyes. I hate to see him sad. Phi, you know you can talk and ask me for everything right i ask slowly. I mean everything i said again. He look at me and slowly hug me. I miss you he said. I miss you too phi i reply. I am trying to be a good husband as much as i could. We stay hugging till i heard a soft snoring. He must be tired. I slowly let him lay down and try to get a blanket but he lift and make me lay on him. You still being the boss even in your dream. I love you phi i said and kiss him before sleeping with him.

I know i really love him now. That why i am fighting hard to the end. I dont want to feel regret later. If he decide to let me go, at least i already live happily with him till the last moment. I really love him and hope he will love me too. Am i dreaming.

11.08.23