When You Wake Up Married to Dan Howell

Chapter 10 - Dark Flashbacks

(A/N) Attention, this chapter is important for understanding the story, and I'm really sorry if you don't like flashbacks or parts where you're not exactly involved. I beg for your understanding. xx

(f/n)'s POV

After some comforting, that I really appreciate, I ask Phil to leave. Well, I at least tell him that I need some time alone, so I can rethink something. I open up the doors and sit in the fort we made earlier this day. It indeed is really comfortable.

*flashback*

He is looking at me no, through me, with blank eyes. They are focused on something in the distance, that only he's able to see. I shiver, but try to push the dark thoughts away. He isn't like that. It's just...sometimes.

"I was wondering if...you know, we could tell someone about...us? We've been together for 5 months now." I don't get his attention. It's like the distance has become more interesting.

"Matt." He raises his eyebrows and finally looks at me.

"No. Not yet. You're not ready." I sigh, rubbing my head with my fingers. What's going on in his head? Isn't the fact that we're together, in love a positive thing? And also isn't he the one who's "not ready"? I look down, and focus on the floor of an abandoned warehouse, where we've been seeing eachoter for weeks now. He could at least find a romantic hidden spot in the park, or something. I don't even know what's happened to that cute, romantic boy I fell in love with almost half of the year ago.

Then we hear a shriek, a bang, and one of the windows is smashed, by a football, crashing through. It falls on the floor and I look at Matt. He's paralysed with fear, unable to move.

"Don't worry hun, it's just kids." I say and protectively hug him over the shoulders. I'm right, the heavy metal doors open, and two 8 year old boys, I'd say, rush in, grab the ball and run out. He moves, just a little.

"T-they. S-s-saw."

"What's the big deal, hunny? It's just two boys that we don't even know. Don't worry!" He pushes my hand away, and runs out of the building.

"Matt!"

*end flashback*

When I'm back in the real world, I feel a single tear streaming down my face. At lest the worst didn't come into my mind now. It's been a while, but I still remember as if it happened yesterday. The similar memory brought it back. If I remember it all, will I see the difference? Will it be better?

*more flashback*

I can't get Matt to call me back the whole day. Maybe he thinks that it's not safe... I don't know if I have to worry or not.

I hear the news in school, the next morning. It's whispered through the halls, behind every locker and under every table.

Matt is dead.

I don't beleive it. I tell the teacher and my friends that I feel sick, and manage to run 1,5 kilometers to his house. I've never been there, but I know which one it is. I ring the bell, wait,and when his mother openes the door, her mascara all over her face, which is red from crying, I just whisper.

"I-I'm so sorry." and run away. I stop when I'm back home and cuddle in my pillow. I feel the hot tears running down my cheeks. It's my fault.

It's my fault. He's gone.

I don't even know what happened, which is making me even more frustrated. I can't even tell anyone, because no one knew. What am I supposed to do? Nobody in school seemed to know if it was suicide, or an accident. I am floating in the dark, with a bandage over my eyes. Helpless. The next few days, I pretend that I'm feeling sick, and stay at home. When I'm finally ready, I come back to the school. People are whispering. He was on drugs...was he? I open my locker with a shivering hand.

"Hey, (f/n), still sick?" says (y/n) and hugs me.

"Yeah, a little." I reply and open my locker. There's a note. A note.

"I think, I'm-I'm going to puke!" I scream and run away. It's from him.

My dearest.

It's not your fault. It's mine. They came, and took me. The monsters were too strong. I'm sorry. So terribly sorry. Stay strong. Please, don't forget me.

Good bye.

I'm confused. Scared. Sad. Terribly sad. If I saw it earlier...But he thought about me, he cared. I break down again.

On his funreal, I'm told that he had emotional problems from the past and that he was recently on halucinative drugs, which caused terrible pain. He hung himself in his room. And I've hidden my own pain, till it burst out again. Today.

*end of more flashback*

(A/N)
I hope that you understand some things better now, and I'm sorry if you came for some light fluff. I needed some backstory. xD

Anyway, thanks for frickin' 550 reads!! Why does 550 people like this!? Who knows, but I'm really really grateful! <3 I'll try to update really soon!

~Kat