Sino ba naman ako, 'di ba?

98

Right now, we were celebrating my birthday with nothing but joy and laughter. Nakaabot pa ako... I'm very thankful for the life that He has given. Like what others said, appreciate everything. Don't ask for more, work hard to have more.

"Are you happy anak?" Mama sat beside me.

I smiled. "Yes, sobra. Thank you Ma!"

Wala akong ginawa kundi tingnan lamang sila na puno ng saya. Life is really unexpected. Life is full of surprises. We don't even know how it works because we're busy of something else that we forgot to rest. To just sit and live the moment.

My eyes caught someone. Someone that I needed to see. I didn't notice a smile plastered on my face as I saw him with his formal attire and a bouquet of paper flowers.

"Happy birthday, Luci."

Without any word, I hugged him. "You're here..."

I held his hand to escape the crowd. We went outside for us to have a talk. I think this will be time. The right time to admit everything.

"Our flight will be moved tomorrow..."

His words crushed my thoughts. My expression changed into a frown. "H-Huh?"

"I'm here to personally say goodbye," he uttered with an emotion.

"'Yan lang ba 'yong pinunta mo?"

Well, this isn't the right fucking time.

"Hindi mo ba ako pipigilan?"

"Para saan pa? At bakit kita pipigilan, gusto mo rin naman 'yan diba?"

He let our a heavy breath. While I'm here, ready to explode.

"'Yan ang hirap sa 'yo e! Ang gulo mo. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba talaga ang gusto mo. Hindi kita maintindihan!"

He started biting his lips already. But I can't take this anymore. If his hurting, them am I too.

"Ano ba ako sa 'yo? Sino ba ako sa 'yo? Ano ba tayo? May lugar ba ako riyan sa puso mo?" I said feeling agonized.

"We're friends..."

"Friends? Putangina, kaibigan?" I yelled. "Kaibigan lang ba talaga?"

My eyes welled up. "Aldous, we spent our weekends together, mapa- study date, church date, park date, "just because" date. Y-You even made a stan account for me, an account full of poems...Your words...Those gifts that i didn't expect. Tangina, ang hina ko sa 'yo, Aldous..."

"Those were bare minimums."

"Para sa 'yo! Pero sa akin, hindi! Putangina, first ko 'yon e! Ikaw ang unang tao na nagparanas sa akin na kamahal-mahal ako! Ganiyan ang epekto mo!"

I almost ran out of air inside me talking of how thoughtful he was and we're just friends? Maybe Annie was right, I'm assuming things that my expectations broke myself.

"Kailangan bang mahalin kita para maparamdam at maparanas ko sa ‘yo ‘yon? Luci, is it needed?"

"Inayos kita e..." I cried more. "I fixed you, even though I'm hurting. Inayos kita, kahit durog na durog na rin ako."

"You never fixed me, Luci. You never changed me." He said. "You made me better. And I thanked you for that. That's all that matters."

He was shocked and was ready to hug me but I refused. "Luci..."

"Aldous... kaibigan? Kaibigan lang ba talaga?"

"I can't reciprocate your feelings just because you've done a lot for me. Hindi kita mamahalin dahil may utang na loob ako sa 'yo... You deserve someone that could actually make you fall in love with yourself too." He genuinely spoke.

...