CW//disturbing
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(Poem by me)
My heart keeps on beating
I want it to stop
I cry, I plead, I fight
But it keeps on beating
I wish for the signs to drop
Only seeing white
Wanting it to be fleeting
I wish, I plan, I harm
I suffer daily
But it keeps on beating
I do not want the authorities to be alarmed
I just want to hurt my belly
Of lies I am reeking
I will never be happy
I will never recover
From what you put me through
Laying in agony
If it kills me, I wish to suffer
I do not want your rescue
I do not want to live
I simply refuse
My chest is hot and my blood is pounding
There is nothing I wish to forgive
As I have seen your views
Ignoring all the lights that are surrounding
You should not
I do not want you to do that
I want you to stop, but you do not obey
From afar, hearing a gun shot
Efforts of help fall flat
There are no illnesses I display
Using a razor blade
Starting to scream
Yet it will not stop, even if I cry
Feeling betrayed
There is no one you can redeem
The truth is not what I imply
Yet my heart must stop
It hurts, this existence
I am not made for this
And I want to bash my head into the wall
You watch from the distance
Interesting film, do you feel bliss?
Watching me cry in the rainfall
I see blood flowing out
But it does nothing
It only angers me
You want me to feel doubt
But I only feel adrenaline rushing
I will only stop once I lay next to the tree
I think I will hit the wall again
Over and over and over
Until I cannot feel my hands anymore
Why are you still present?
Can you not see my goal getting closer?
At least that is what I swore
Until the walls are smeared with my blood
I want to destroy the mirror
And slash my body so that nothing remains
Leave now, you did all you could
Reality is becoming clearer
Exhausted, I lay on my blood stain
I do not create art to be cute
I am enraged, hurt, nothing
My body is scared of me
I continue until I reach the absolute
And I feel gravity crushing
Perhaps instead, I should grant mercy
It wants to live
And I feel sorry for all I put it through
But my heart must not beat
Still, in the end, it does not matter
I have already taken off my shoes
I just no longer want my memories to repeat
My hopes have been shattered
[Written in: 16/04/2023]
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🃏 Adulthood 🃏
Poetry♦️♦️♦️ A collection of my songs and poems. From 2023 and onwards. They are free to interpret. I removed my other collection with my earlier works. They just no longer reflect me as a person and as an artist. Disclaimer: Some of them tell fictional s...
