Séance Insomnia

IV - nightmare

[We all fell silent, each lost in our own thoughts. It was clear that this was no ordinary encounter - we had unwittingly invited something dark and unknown into the session, but hopefully not into our lives.]

I got up to order some more coffee.

We proceeded to discuss our worries and concerns about the upcoming exams and deadlines. Of course we couldn't get the last session out of our thoughts, but we needed a distraction, even if that was our schoolwork.

We took one last sip of our coffee, bidding eachother farewell, and headed home.

The night was chilly, but I had been up for long, and was feeling jaded. My mind was whirring at a thousand miles a minute, replaying my day over and over.

I tried taking a warm bath and folding clean laundry, but as usual, nothing seemed to tire me out. I turned and twisted, rearranging my pillow and sheets to find the perfect spot.

As I felt my mind slipping and drifting, I breathed a sigh of relief. Finally! I had ensured even a couple hours of rest, and I was thankful to get them.

I slept soundly until a nightmare jolted me awake. I should have expected it though, for the past couple of years I haven't been able to enjoy any sleep I get because of constant night terrors.

That time, I found myself in the familiar and frightening setting of my high school. An ominous shadowy figure was stalking me, making me feel small and powerless. From years of practice, I knew this was a dream, but it felt all too real. The image of the figure, in my mind’s eye, was so vivid I could see the contours of its face and the black void where there ought to be eyes.

I shook myself awake, gasping for breath. The nightmare had felt so real that I was disoriented for a moment, but then I realized I was safe in my own bed. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.

Usually when this happened I would sit with my back against my bed frame, dive my face inside my palms and between my knees and tear up.

This night was not an exception. A tear run down my cheek as a looked down but I didn't notice until it dropped on my t-shirt.

I looked at the digital numbers on my phone which told me it was three o’clock.

It was as if the world had conspired against me and was desperately trying to keep me from drifting off to dreamland. I really felt like I was stuck in a never-ending loop of nightmares.

They almost always had the same theme. In every dream, I found herself in my own house, running from something or someone that was lurking just behind me.

Sometimes, it was a clown chasing me, with a sinister grin on its face. Other times, it was a person in a mask, and I knew that if I could just take that mask off, I would know who it was. But I never could. And sometimes, it was a monster with glowing red eyes, huge claws, and razor-sharp teeth that drip with drool.

At first I couldn't get away and there had been times the monster got me. But usually I would just wake myself up right before they grabbed me.

I became better at this. I would ran away more easily and if they caught up with me, I would just slip through and leave. Or I would say I was invisible and the bad guys wouldn't be able to see me.

I can't explain how it was possible to somewhat control my dreams but I knew I was dreaming and as the months went by, I also knew I was in control.

But simultaneously, as the months went by, the nightmares became more vivid and intense, and I found myself dreading sleep more than anything else.

As I mentioned I had been having them for at least the passed two years. But when they first started, I was still sleeping like everybody else. Taking things from the beginning, it was like the nightmares caused me to keep myself awake.