BSD Oneshots

An Apology (Soukoku)

(A/N: I've had this idea for awhile now and it has not left me alone, so naturally I had to write it.)

Dazai had been thinking a lot lately. Specifically about his past, and even more specifically about how he'd just up and left the Mafia soon after he lost his dear friend Oda.

For some reason, his mind kept wandering to how he'd left Chuuya without so much as a word. He'd thought he was doing the best thing at the time, thinking Chuuya wouldn't miss him despite how he missed the redhead. But he ended up feeling bad about it at one point. Maybe that wasn't really the best move on his part. Maybe Chuuya did miss him.

No, don't be stupid. He'd never miss you, especially after the way you just left him. You'd be lucky if he hated you, he told himself.

Despite those thoughts, Dazai couldn't help but wonder if maybe he should try and make amends with Chuuya. Maybe if he did, Chuuya would forgive him.

No, he never would, he thought. But maybe... No. He wouldn't. You don't know that. Oh, but I do. No, you don't. I do.

Dazai sighed. All this arguing with himself was getting him nowhere. He might as well just get it over with and see what happened.

He pulled out his phone and texted Chuuya.

Dazai: hey slug

Slug: Mackerel?! Is that you?!

Dazai: yeah, who else calls you a slug? :P

Slug: What do you want?

Dazai: can i talk to you later?

Slug: What for?

Dazai: you'll see

Slug: You're seriously not going to tell me?

Dazai: yes

Slug: Fine

Dazai: wait fr?

Slug: Do you want me to change my mind?

Dazai: no no! im just shocked

Slug: I see

Dazai: well see you later

Dazai turned off his phone, shocked that Chuuya actually agreed to meet with him later. He'd expected the shortie to just ignore him.

~Time skip~

Once work let out, Dazai was taking a walk by the river he'd jumped into plenty of times, looking for Chuuya.

The Chuuya in question soon showed up, and he did not look happy.

Maybe this was a mistake... Dazai thought. No, he's already here. I can't back out now.

"Well, what is it mackerel? I don't have all night." Chuuya crossed his arms.

Dazai looked down at Chuuya, his ex-partner, the one he'd known for years now. He was suddenly regretting leaving him all that time ago even more now. "...I'm sorry."

Chuuya blinked a bit. "What?"

"I said I'm sorry. I never should've left you the way I did all those years ago. I just disappeared without so much as a single goodbye. That wasn't fair to you."

"No kidding it wasn't. Do you have any idea how I felt back then?" Chuuya looked away.

Dazai fell silent, thinking back to the first time they'd seen each other in a long time. The time where he had been locked up and saw his ex-partner again. He remembered how Chuuya had claimed he'd celebrated when Dazai had left. After initially being hurt by that comment, something else had come to mind. He doubted Chuuya had actually been that happy he was gone. He wasn't sure why, something just told him that was the case.

Chuuya looked at Dazai again. "...I wasn't actually thrilled that you left. I missed you and wondered why you'd just left me. It made me wonder if...I don't know, if I hadn't been a good partner or something."

Dazai looked back at him. "Slug-I mean Chuuya, don't say that. You were a good partner. Even if we argued all the time, I never thought you were a bad partner. The reason I left...well, it's complicated. But it wasn't an excuse to not even say goodbye to you. And I'm realizing that now."

Chuuya just held Dazai's gaze, not speaking for a minute. He'd never expected his ex-partner to apologize for anything, certainly not the way he had just up and left. But here he was, doing just that.

"And...I hope you can forgive me. But if you don't, I completely understand," Dazai continued.

Chuuya continued to think for a minute. Sure, he'd been betrayed and it had taken him a long time to come to terms with it. Even though it had happened to him multiple times by now and he thought he should be used to it, it never hurt any less. But Chuuya was nothing if not loyal and forgiving to a fault, and it almost frustrated him that those feelings were being extended to someone he'd tried so hard to hate in order to forget about how hurt he had been. It had also annoyed him that try as he might, and despite how sad he had been, he'd somehow never been able to fully bring himself to hate Dazai.

Dazai watched him, waiting for a reaction.

Chuuya finally looked at Dazai again. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but...I forgive you."

Dazai was shocked. "You do?"

"Yeah, yeah." Chuuya looked away, scowling.

Dazai stepped closer to Chuuya and hugged him, patting his head.

Chuuya's face heated up a little, and he tried to fight against it. He was not about to start feeling all warm and fuzzy because of this. He had a reputation to uphold. Granted, he'd probably ruined it already by forgiving Dazai. Curse his loyalty.

"Is Chuu-Chuu embarrassed?" Dazai teased.

"Shut up," Chuuya grumbled.

Dazai laughed a little, but didn't tease further. He looked down at Chuuya, becoming serious again. "There's something else I should tell you."

"What?" Chuuya asked.

"...I like you, and I have ever since I first met you. I'd planned to tell you sooner, but the timing never felt right and then it was out of the question after I'd left the Mafia for obvious reasons. But...I'm telling you now."

Chuuya blinked. "You like me...?"

Dazai nodded.

Chuuya fell silent. The truth was, he'd always liked Dazai, too. But he'd never confessed for the same reasons. "...I feel the same, actually."

Now it was Dazai's turn to be shocked.

Those feelings increased further when Chuuya tugged Dazai's coat and pulled him down so he could kiss him.

Dazai smiled a little and kissed back, wrapping his arms around Chuuya.

After about a minute, they pulled apart.

"So uh...I'm glad that's cleared up," Dazai said, feeling a bit shy all of a sudden.

Chuuya tried not to laugh at Dazai's expression. "Same."

"Well, see you around, shortie?"

Chuuya scowled. "Yes, waste of bandages."

Dazai laughed and waved as he began to walk away.

Chuuya smiled and waved back.

The two of them both had a lot on their minds, the main thing being that they were glad they'd finally had a long overdue talk about...well, everything.