Find me again

chapter 5

"What is going on in here?" Maya smiled as she entered the kitchen.

"Cookies for mamma, she isn't feeling good." Frankie said, almost her entire little body was covered in flour and it made Maya laugh.

"You are the best daughter in the world, my love. She is going to be so happy when I bring them to her tomorrow."

"I come too?" She asked, her big brown eyes pleading and Maya found herself to be in a difficult position.

"It will be boring, baby. It's much more fun here at home with your toys and friends." Her bottom lip started quivering. Normally, she didn't really throw tantrums or get upset, but she assumed that getting in a car crash and not seeing her mamma warrented it.

"Hey, don't cry baby." She picked her up from the stool she had been staying on and brought her to her chest, kissing her head while giving Andy a panicked look.

"She seemed okay when you were on the phone earlier, maybe it would be good for her, lord knows the little one needs it." Andy said.

"I am just scared it will be too much."

"Have you asked her?"

"No, but your mamma wanted me to give you a big hug." She turned her attention to Frankie again. "I think that was a good sign."

"Do you..?" Andy hesitated, but Maya gave her a look that told her to just say whatever was on her mind. "Do you think she's going to l-e-a-v-e you? Is that what you're afraid of?"

"No, she wouldn't do that." Maya said immediately. "Not her children, she is too good for that."

"What about you, Maya?"

"I am not important right now, what is important is making sure she is comfortable at the pace as well as Frankie getting to see her." Frankie picked her head up from Maya's shoulder upon hearing her name.

"See mamma?"

"Okay, baby I am going to tell you something and I need you to listen." Maya said as she made her way to the couch, sitting down with Frankie in her lap so they were facing each other.

"Mamma hurt her head."

"Loud bang?" Frankie asked.

"Yeah, in the loud bang, she hurt her head and sometimes when that happens, everything gets very confusing." Now Frankie was looking at her in confusion and Maya wasn't even sure why she was trying to explain amnesia to a toddler, she really wished Carina could be there to help. She had always been better at that stuff.

"Okay, well hmm. Mamma might need a little time before everything goes back to normal, and I know it is very hard but you have to try to be patient. To wait."

"Wait for mamma?"

"Yes, mamma is hurt so we have to be good and wait, it might take some time before we can see her."

"I miss mamma." She leaned forward and hugged Maya tightly. It was obvious that she was trying not to cry, and Maya sighed, feeling that she had gotten no further.

"Do you want to take a nap, my love?" Maya asked when she noticed Frankie's eyes slipping shut. She shook her head no, but closed her eyes anyways.

"Let's get you to bed, little love." Maya removed her clothing as she walked into Frankie's room. She pulled the covers tightly around her and kissed her head before silently closing the door on her way out.

"I think she might not have slept at all last night," Maya said to Andy who was busy cleaning the kitchen.

"Yeah, she has been cranky today," Andy breathed.

"I am sorry, you shouldn't have had to deal with that."

"No Maya, I didn't mean it like that, I am happy to spend time with her, and you cannot be in two places at once. No matter how much you would like to."

"Yeah, I think that maybe I'll stay home with her tomorrow. Carina doesn't care if I am there and she needs me here."

"But what do you need?"

"I told you, Andy. I am not in a position to have needs right now. I have a wife who doesn't remember me and a daughter who needs her parents."

"Still, if it were only up to you. What would you do tomorrow?" Andy asked.

"I would take Frankie with me to see Carina."

"And why can't you?"

"It will be too much."

"How do you know? You said you didn't ask."

"What if she is mean to her, what if she is dismissive or says something?" Maya whispered, letting the real reason out.

"She would never, it's Carina. She loves everyone, and I know she said she didn't want children but have you ever known her to be mean to one. She was happy to talk to her on the phone earlier, comforting her when she was crying."

"She was so excited after." Maya smiled.

"Yeah, so call her after dinner. Make sure it's okay for her to say no, but just explain and I am sure you guys will figure something out. You always do."

"Maybe you are right." Maya muttered.

"Aren't I always?" She joked, putting the last dish into the dishwasher. "And Maya?"

"Hmm?"

"Your feelings matter in all this, too. Please don't forget to take care of yourself, I know Carina is not here to remind you. But you matter and you are allowed to feel sad, or mad or whatever you need about this. Don't push everything down."

"You make a good Carina." Maya joked in lieu of an answer.

"Maya," Andy gave her a look and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"Oh really good," Maya laughed, but then turned serious. "I hear you, and I will do my best."

"Good. Now I want to stay for dinner, what are we having?" Andy asked, opening the fridge.