Find me again

chapter 13

"I have to go into work today, but Andy has the day off so she is coming to pick Frankie up." Maya stood in the doorway of their bedroom, talking to a very confused and tired Carina.

"Ugh, what time is it?" She tried to roll over but her belly prevented her from doing so comfortably, so instead she grabbed a pillow and put it over her face. Obviously not appreciative of having been woken up.

"It's early, sorry. I'll let you go back to sleep, but I just need to know you heard me?" Maya laughed. Just then it occurred to her what Maya had said. She sat up in bed.

"Why?" Carina asked.

"Ehm, they need me for a budget meeting." Maya answered.

"No, I mean why is Andy picking her up?" Carina felt like Maya didn't trust her with Frankie and that confused her, she thought they had been doing well.

"I just, I didn't know if you wanted to. She's a lot. Andy offered so I thought you would like some time alone." Maya explained.

"She's my daughter too, Maya!" Carina said louder than she had meant to and she could tell Maya wasn't anticipating that reaction. Carina took a deep breath and waited for Maya to say something, but she just stayed quiet.

"Do you not trust me?" She whispered, truly afraid of what the answer would be.

"Carina, no. I trust you, I am just scared it will be too much right now. Andy wanted to see her."

"You already said that, Maya." She was frustrated.

"Well, it's the truth." She shrugged, she could tell Carina was getting upset but for the first time she didn't feel like comforting her, this person who snapped and snarked as soon as she got overwhelmed was not her wife.

"Just tell me you don't trust me Maya!" She yelled.

"Okay, I don't trust you." She said calmly.

"What?" Carina got up from the bed and went to get in Maya's face. "What have I done to make you not trust me, I am here everyday. I bathe her. I feed her. I put her to bed, Maya. I am here all the time." She screamed in Maya's face. Maya just took it, standing there calmly.

"Say something, Maya!"

"I am going to check on Frankie, you probably woke her up." Maya said with a pointed look and left the room.

As soon as Maya closed the bedroom door, Carina started crying. She sat down on the floor leaning back on the bed, hiding her face in her hands. She didn't feel like herself and assumed Maya sensed that too. That was probably why the blonde didn't trust her. Even though she had dared Maya to say it, she never thought that she actually would, it had hurt more than she thought it would, and instead of allowing herself to be sad about it, she lashed out at her wife. When she had finally managed to calm down a little, she could hear Maya soothing a crying Frankie in the room next to them and she lost it.

She got up as quickly as she could and found a bag, throwing everything she would need into it. She didn't even stop to think about where she would go, she just got dressed as quickly as she could and snuck out of the apartment, making sure to stay quiet as she did so. She made it out of the apartment without Maya noticing and breathed a sigh of relief as she made her way to the door of the apartment complex. A vaguely familiar person was holding the door for her.

"Carina!" The woman smiled and Carina realised that it was Andy. She felt herself getting angry all over again, of course Andy would see her. She decided to ignore her and just kept walking.

"Hey, hey, it's Andy. Wait up!" Andy ran after her. Carina stopped abruptly and she felt Andy almost bumping into her from behind.

"Are you okay?" Andy put her hand on Carina's shoulder, willing her to turn around. Carina did.

"No, I don't want to talk about it with you." She said harshly and saw the same shocked expression Maya had given her whenever she lashed out like that. Carina didn't care though, she just wanted the brunette to leave her alone.

"Okay, where are you going?" She smiled softly and it drove Carina mad, why wouldn't anyone be mean back, it was what she deserved. She had yelled and snapped and made her daughter cry. Why wouldn't people just fucking be angry with her?

"I don't know, just leave me alone. Go play mommy with Maya. That's what she wants anyways." She turned around and started walking away, relieved when she turned around and saw Andy walking back towards the building.

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Maya slammed the bedroom door harder than she had intended. She was trying so hard not to be mad at Carina, but she made it close to impossible sometimes. They needed to talk, but she knew that it would do nothing good right now, so it was better to just leave her to calm down. The scene that met her when she entered Frankie's bedroom absolutely broke her heart. Frankie was laying with both of her hands covering her ears and the duvet was almost covering her entire face.

"Hey, piccolina. Hey." Maya said soothingly as she went over to the bed and got in. Frankie clammered to her and Maya just hugged her as tightly as she could. Finding comfort in holding her child. After a while of silence Frankie started crying, it was quiet at first but it soon turned into wailing. Maya didn't know what to do. Normally when she cried like this it was because she had fallen over or hurt herself and she was in pain. Maya knew she was in pain now too, she had never heard her mommies fight, they had made it a point not to fight in front of her and when they had arguments with her in the house, they always made sure their voices were quiet.

"It's okay, little love. Everything is going to be okay. Just let it out, let it all out." Maya stroked her back.

"Mamma angry?" She asked with big brown eyes full of tears.

"Yeah, baby. Mamma was a little angry, but not with you, okay." The toddler nodded carefully.

"It was loud." She said silently.

"Yeah, sometimes people get loud when they are upset." Maya tried to explain.

"Okay." Frankie whispered and laid her head back down on Maya's chest. She was sniffling a little, but Maya was relieved by the fact that she seemed to feel better already. She remembered Carina telling her once that children are resilient, it had proven itself to be true.

"There was a quiet knock on Frankie's door and Maya didn't know whether to feel happy or mad. She supposed the gentle knock was a sign that she had calmed down and came to check on them.

"Come in." Maya was surprised to see Andy entering the room. She had forgotten she was coming over in the first place. The woman took a seat at the foot of the bed, she ran her hands up and down Maya's calves.

"What happened?"

"Mamma was angry." The toddler mumbled. "Loud." She sighed and Maya gave Andy a look that said, "yeah, basically".

"Where is she going?" Andy asked.

"Going? I am not making her leave, Andy." Maya laughed a little at the ridiculousness.

"No, I ran into her outside. She had a bag. Made it very clear she was mad at me for 'playing mommy with you.'" She put the last part in air quotes, but had to quickly reposition her hands to catch Frankie, who Maya all but threw into her lap.

"Take her. I have to go. Can you call the chief? I won't be making the meeting."

"Yeah, sure, Maya. But maybe you should go to the meeting, let her cool off."

"No, she doesn't get to do this. I have to find her, Andy. She's upset and alone. I need to find her." Maya said as she pulled on her shoes and ran out the door.

"Guess it's just me and you, Frankie." Andy smiled.

"Cookies?" The toddler grinned.

"Breakfast first, then we will see." She got up with Frankie still in her arms, knowing they would definitely make cookies later, because Frankie had her wrapped around her little finger, she could never say no to her.