Find me again

chapter 21

Carina was faced away from the door, she looked like she was sleeping so Maya quietly entered the room and walked over to the bassinet to really look at her daughter. She couldn't believe she had left this beautiful angel for the first hour of her life. She was all cleaned up and wrapped snuggly. Carina had her hand gripped around the edge of the bassinet in a way that looked almost protective, and Maya hated that she had left that beautiful angel alone too.

There was a lot of truth to what Ben had said, Maya hadn't wanted a baby either, until she wanted one with Carina. Carina had been terrified and what did Maya do? She let her own self worth issues take over and she got mad and left.

Her wife was many things, but she had never known Carina to be a liar and more importantly she had never known Carina to do anything she didn't want to. Moreover, she had felt the love radiate from the brunette for the past few weeks. She knew deep in her heart that Carina loved their little family and she hated herself for letting the bad voice in her head talk her out of accepting that love, over and over again.

Their daughter opened her eyes and just when she looked like she was about to begin fussing, Maya picked her up and held her close. Taking in her smell, rocking her gently from side to side. When she started fussing again, Maya held the back of her finger to her mouth to see if she was hungry. She didn't seem like it.

"Do you just want attention, little one?" Maya whispered. "I am here, baby. I'm sorry for leaving." Maya walked her around the room, singing softly. She startled a little bit when she turned around to see Carina sitting up, looking at them. She gave Maya a small, sad, tired smile.

"I'm sorry." They said in unison.

"Let me?" Maya chuckled and Carina nodded slightly.

"Okay, you need to decide right now Carina, if you're in or out." She held up her hand when Carina opened her mouth. "Either we split up, we figure out something that works for you, with custody, if you don't want any that's fine."

"May-"

"Shh, just please let me finish. Or," She paused. "We go all in, throw ourselves into this little life that we have together and we do our absolute best to make it work. Through every fight and every obstacle we work together, we are brutally honest and call each other out on the others bullsh-" She paused and looked at the girl in her arms. "You know what I mean. I know you love me, but I also understand that this wasn't the life you had imagined. It's not the life I ever imagined either, but I would love nothing more than to continue this wonderful, beautiful mess of a life with you. If that's what you want too."

"Can I talk now?" Carina smirked.

"Yes, sorry."

"I wanna be all in with you Maya, beauty and ugly, fights and happy memories. I am all in. I am so sorry I said what I said, I know you are terrified of me leaving you, or that I am staying out of some sort of obligation. But I promise I want to be here, right next to you and Frankie and the little baby girl."

"I believe you," Maya smiled. "I am so, so sorry for storming out of here. I should have talked to you first."

"You should have, but I understand Maya. I know I hurt you more than once since the accident, and I know you feel like you don't deserve happiness. But you do, and I really think, no I know we can be happy toget-" Her sentence was cut off by Maya's lips kissing her gently.

"We're doing this then. No more doubts, we are both all in?" Maya asked and Carina resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"Uhmm, maybe not if you're going to keep asking annoying questions that I have already answered." Carina smirked.