Longing for you // Sebastian Sallow x Female MC

Chapter 11: His Side of the Story

Sebastian's POV:

How the fuck should I tell her? Where do I even start? Should I tell her everything right away or slowly unravel everything? Either way I'm going, I'll be fucking ruining this moment. I know she's burning for answers and her mind is racing, trying to convince herself she did nothing wrong.
But how can something be wrong if it feels so right?

Even though I tried to protect her, there was always a reservation I had. A feeling deep inside of me, asking myself: Am I doing the right thing?
Should I really be that secretive and lying to her?
She surely doesn't deserve this. But how do you explain everything that has happened and seemingly been happening over years, to someone who would literally die to keep everyone save. Because that's what it's going to be like in the worst case. Fuck. I wish I could freeze this moment. Lock it away and keep reliving it, whenever shit's going down. Because it will go down. And I'm fucking terrified.

But now, as she's laying on my chest all I can think of is to bury my nose in her hair, inhaling the scent of her shampoo, that has been tingling around my nose for a year now. I'm wondering if it would've been better if we never met in the common room. If I should've called in sick on that day we duelled in DADA. If I should've refused to guide her to Hogsmeade. I literally led her down the road to ruin. But they already knew. They knew everything about her. Even if I held myself back, they would've found her. And because I embraced every opportunity to be close to her, I'm in the position the give her back everything she gave to me. I fucking owe her.

"Whose house is this?" Delilah asked, looking up to my face. Merlin, how I love those eyes, I could literally lose myself into them.

"Mine, I guess. This is where I grew up, before... you know what happened to my parents. I tend to come back here now and then. Whenever I'm feeling lost." I admitted to her. "Do you remember when I told you I spent time in Upper Hogsfield? I stayed here for a few days. During these days I wished you were here with me." She smiled and cuddled up to me. But it's lingering in the air, I have to come clear.

"Liles?" I whispered while playing with one of her curls.

"Hmm?"

"I-Do you want to have a glass of water or something else?" I asked, grimacing because of my cowardice.

"Umm, yes. Water would be fine." She said, rolling aside for me. Fuck, why do I have to be such an impulsive fuck?

Earlier

Sebastian has been too long in Upper Hogsfield and he knew that. But he was afraid of the letter that might be at Solomons House, his latest home since the death of his parents.
Being in his childhood home was comforting him. He knew he probably ruined everything...again.

Kissing her was selfish and not fair. He should've simply told her that he thinks about her night and day. That he wanted more than just friendship.
But he couldn't do it. He impulsively did again what he thought would be the right thing to do in that very moment. And he probably fucked up. One should think he already got used to it, but Sebastian tried to push these thoughts away. He liked to think to himself, that he'd at least try to do the right thing. He just took a different route to his destination.

If she didn't dump him after witnessing how he killed his very own uncle, why should she do that over a simple kiss? Maybe it was time for him to return to Feldcroft. Maybe there wouldn't be the rejecting letter from her, that he was afraid of. Maybe there was a heartfelt letter from her, telling him how much she loved him and how she had waited for him to kiss her.
Maybe she would be there, waiting for him.
And with that thought he knew he couldn't hide any longer in Upper Hogsfield.