Back To December

4.

"Harry!" Olivia yells running and jumping on me. Her legs wrap around my waist and her arms around my neck.

"Hey baby." I kiss her cheek and spin her around.

It's the summer before high school. I am 13 now. I have my first girlfriend. We've been dating about 3 months. She's got blonde hair and beautiful eyes but not as beautiful as the ocean blue eyes that I see when I lay down at night. Madison and Louis get together and break up every week. We don't walk home with each other anymore. He stopped coming to my window and I stopped going to his. We still spoke to each other online still. He even called me and texted me on our cell phones. It wasn't how it used to be and I missed it more than I'd ever admit.

Tommo2491: I miss you Haz.
Dotdotdothazza: we had a double date last weekend.
Tommo2491: That's not what I mean. I miss you.
Dotdotdothazza: you can't. you chose this the day of your birthday Lou.
Tommo2491: I shouldn't have. I need to talk to you. Unlocked?
Dotdotdothazza: yes.

Olivia had come over to do hangout. She attacked my lips the minute we sat on the couch. Her lips are soft and tiny against mine. She moans into my mouth and coaxes my lips open so our tongues dance with each other. I keep my hands on her hips but hers go under my shirt wanting me to take it off. This doesn't feel right. It's nice but I don't feel the rush of excitement or bubbling feeling I want more. We make out for the afternoon. I try to forget my earlier conversation with Louis while she was talking to her mum but I can't. He misses me. He asked me to unlock my window. What does this mean?

At 5pm I walk Olivia home and then rush back to my house. My mum was home and we ate chicken with mac and cheese for dinner. She asked about Olivia, she doesn't really like her. She asks what my plans are tomorrow. I tell her about the sleepover at Liam's and she gets excited and asks if Louis is going. Once I reply with an I don't know she loses her excitement.

"I know it's a Thursday night but a coworker asked me out for drinks so I won't be home tonight." She says taking our plates.

"That's okay. I'll probably just go to sleep."

She nods. "No girls over Harry."

I shake my head. "Olivia won't come over. I promise."

"You know the rule of no girls in the house when I'm not here."

I nod. I've violated that a lot seeing she comes over almost every afternoon. Mum couldn't know that though...right?

"No more afternoon visits." She pokes my neck. "Cover your love bites better. Good night sweetheart." She laughs walking out the door.

I go to my room and look at my neck. I groan sure enough the love bite is small but there. I hated when she did that. It was almost 9pm now and I knew Louis would come soon. I had unlocked and locked the window about 50 times before deciding on keeping it unlocked. I was nervous.

Olivia never made me nervous. She is nice. She has a great sense of humor. She's a good kisser. There's something missing though.  When she kisses me or hugs me I don't feel...

"Haz."

His voice startles me. I turn around and meet his eyes. His eyes sparkle for a second then focus on my neck and lose the sparkle. His voice is so raspy like he's not spoken for months. His shoulders are slumped and there's black bags under his eyes. He quickly enters as if the window will disappear at any moment.

"Lou."

He runs to me and wraps himself around me much like Olivia had done earlier. I hug him tightly to me wanting him to never leave. I feel him shaking and that's when I hear that he's sniffling.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. My friends said it's not right but it feels right." Sniffle. "I've fucked up. I've lost you. You have her now. She's probably been in here. I..."

"She hasn't." I tell him. She's been in the living room but not my room. I have so many questions. What feels right to him? Why does he think he's lost me?

He pulls back from my shoulder letting his feet stand on the ground. "Do you like her?"

"She's my girlfriend."

"But do you feel it?"

I know what he's asking. The nervous feeling in my stomach. I shake my head. "No."

Before he can say anything or before I can he pushes me onto my bed and lays on top of me. He crashes his lips to mine and keeps them there not moving just touching for minutes. He starts to move his and slowly coaxes mine open and our tongues touch for the first time in months. His hands run all over my chest and hips grabbing me tightly and holding our lower bodies together. There's so much longing and desperation in our touches. It's like we've been denying ourselves something so long and now it's all coming out at once.

"Lou." I beg but I don't know for what. "I...feel...it's..."

He kisses my neck. My jaw. My eyes. My lips. "I know. Me too."

I lift my hips up and at the same time he lowers his down. It hurts. Throbbing. So hard. I keep lifting my hips up meeting his. He's hard and throbbing too. He kisses my lips again and we go faster. Part of my brain is screaming at me to stop...to remember Olivia. Part of my brain is screaming to keep going...embrace Louis and let it happen. I listen to the part that keeps going. We go faster and faster.

"Ugh. Lou." I moan into his neck. Kissing and biting down. Will it leave a mark? Do I want to?

"Haz. Haz. Ugh." He moans back. He bites my neck above where Olivia did and I know he's going to leave a mark. His mark.

Faster. Faster. The bed is hitting the wall. My hands pull at his hair as I start to feel myself leak. He pulls at my hips digging his fingers in. Our moans fill the room and then I feel the sticky cum in my shorts. He grinds down into me and stops grunting. We both look down and then into each other's eyes.

"Lou. What..."

"That was..."

We both start talking at the same time. He leaves the room and comes back with a towel. He digs in my drawer and grabs two pairs of boxers out and two pairs of shorts. He gets undressed and cleans up himself then tugs at my shorts. He starts to clean me up but I do it myself and get dressed. We sit on the bed in silence which is weird after what happened.

"Is your mum here?" I shake my head. "Good because that would be embarrassing. Can I stay the night?"

I nod. "If you want. Lou...what was that?"

He laughs laying under my covers. "Haz if I have to explain sex to you then..."

I softly punch his chest. "Shut up Lou. I meant...we're friends Lou. Kind of. But friends don't do..."

"What if we are more than friends?"

I plug my phone in and tangle my legs with his. "But we have girlfriends."

"Madison and I broke up." He shakes his head. "I think...I like you Haz. I'm pretty sure I always have." He sighs and pulls me closer. "What about friends with benefits?"

He likes me? Like I like him? I find myself nodding my head.

"Friends with benefits."