Back To December

27. (Harry)

"I'm just not ready yet."

I take the beer that Eleanor hands me. I shake my head watching Mike with Will. "Why? Your fear makes no sense."

She scoffs. "That's rich coming from you Harry. You were once scared too."

I gulp down half of the beer as I turn my eyes again to the scene on the beach. Mike is sitting with Will just letting the waves wash over them. Will is 8 months old now. Louis is walking the beach with Claire picking up seashells. Liam is arguing with Becca over going out past a certain point and Zayne is just trying to not let Jessica lose her temper because of said argument. A lot has happened in the past 8 months. 

Before Claire came to live with us I surprised Louis on his 24th birthday with an empty building. I knew he was confused but it seemed like he figured out what he wanted to do with it after my 22nd birthday. He opened a daycare surprisingly with Zayne. Louis hated staying at home but he also didn't know what he wanted from life as the club life was no longer an interest to anyone in our social group. Zayne and Louis love running the daycare and taking care of the kids. They're so good at it. They had to go through special courses and get the correct license but they enjoyed every minute of it. Zayne and Liam adopted twin girls, Becca and Jessica. They are 10 and quite a handful for them. Claire had her 4th birthday in March and we went all out with the rainbows and unicorns.

"I still am scared sometimes El. What if this isn't enough?" I look over at my best friend.

She smiles at me and shakes her head. "It's enough. It's more than anyone else could ever give him you know that right?"

"What if one day he decides it's too much? It's hard to believe that things just happen this easy." She laughs and pushes my shoulder. "Okay maybe not easy but...it seems to perfect you know. Too good. When is the bad stuff coming?"

"You think too much Harry. Lou is happy with you and Claire. Don't spend the time waiting for bad to happen and forget to live in the good."

"Maybe you should just get married then. Live in the good."

She shakes her head. "That advice was meant for you, not me. Mike has asked but...shit the last person I thought I'd marry now has a husband and a kid. Excuse me for being hesitant."

Her words hurt quite a bit. We've worked through our past but there's always going to be some amount of harsh feelings between the three of us. "I used to have dreams about it."

"About what? Me walking into you on top of him?" She rolls her eyes and pushes my knees down to lay her head in my lap.

"No. I was always sitting in the church with the boys while you and Lou were about to get married. I always walked out when the preacher said speak now or forever hold your peace. I understand being scared El, I do. I'm scared too because there's always a small part of me that knows that even though neither of you admit it or say it out loud there was something between you that I could never give him."

"That's crazy Hare. He'd never let you walk out. He would have left me at the alter before he allowed that."

I shrug. "Maybe. What if we hadn't met in Seattle though?"

She laughs. "You still don't get it?" I look down at her confused as he looks up at me. "You and Louis always find your way back to each other. You hurt each other but love each other just as much. You two have something the rest of us envy Hare."

"We got off topic. You're scared to marry Mike because the last long term relationship you had was with Lou. Yet you champion us so much so your fear makes no sense. Why are you really scared?"

She looks away from me and back towards the water. "Because like you I'm afraid of the bad coming."

This is why we became so close. We were so similar. It's also what always caused me to think the way I did in the beginning about El and Lou. "Well how about this. We both live in the moment and don't let the good moments pass us by."

I stand up and make my way towards the water challenging her. I make my way to Louis and Claire, who are more than excited to show me their seashells. Out of the corner of my eye I see El sitting with Mike and Will now making drawings in the sand.

"Daddy. Swim?" Claire looks up at me with a big smile on her face.

Louis and each take one of her hands as he grabs his surfboard and we head into the waves. We pull her up and over each time a wave comes and we both laugh at how happy she is just jumping waves. We don't take her out too deep even though having a pool at home has made her a good swimmer. Louis kisses me and climbs on his board going out further than Claire and I. Claire chases the fish and we even find a crab that I hold and let her stroke before letting it go. She gets tired after about 10 minutes and climbs on my shoulders and watches Louis. He makes surfing look so effortless, like anyone can do it. She squeals each time he catches the wave and then her mouth drops open as he rides it. I walk us back up to the beach when I feel her getting heavier on my shoulders. We rented the same beach house as we did over the holiday when we were younger.

"Daddy. Watch more." She whines.

"Nap time first cupcake. You're too tired. Maybe daddy Louis can take you out when it's calmer."

She smiles at me as I walk her in the house and get her into dry clothes. "Really?!"

"Only little girls who take their naps get to surf with daddy Louis. "

"I nap." She says quickly jumping into mine and Louis bed. "Will you tell me the story?"

I sit against the headboard and watch as she cuddles into my lap to hear the story. One day she will know what it's about but for right now she just thinks of it as her favorite fairy tale.

"This story while it may have a happy ending it had an even better beginning. It began with a little boy named Harry." I begin.

"Like you daddy!" I nod and kiss her head as Louis slips into the room quietly.

"Yep. Shh. One day Harry moved to a big city where he met the person who would change his life forever. Most changes take time but this change only took three words. Harry walked into his neighbor's backyard with his mum hiding behind her almost falling over his own feet. He didn't notice the boy with blue eyes watching him. Once their eyes met and the little boy came over Harry was so nervous. 'Hi! I'm Louis!' was all the blue eyed boy said but it changed Harry's life forever."

She was asleep after the first paragraph. Normally it took the first page but she must have been tired. I slide off the bed and tuck the covers around her as Louis grabs my hand and closes the door. He places his hands on my hips and kisses my neck as we grab the monitor and head back to the beach.

"That's my favorite story too." He whispers in my ear.

I giggle and turn around in his arms standing on the hot sand. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss his lips running my tongue over his bottom until he opens and allows me in. I pull away after a few minutes and look up at him. "I wrote it for you."

He nuzzles my neck as he picks me up and walks me over to where he left his surfboard. "I would surely hope you don't know another Louis who snuck in your window."

"Mmm no not that I can recall." He sets me down and I place the monitor on El's towel. "El! Will you listen for Claire please?"

She gives me a thumbs up and I follow Louis into the water grabbing my surfboard. I'm not good and I can barely stand on the board but I like to lay on it and watch Louis surf. Which is exactly what I do for the next 30 minutes. He paddles over to me and lays down on his board on his stomach so I flip over and he locks our hands together.

"Haz. Tell me how the story ends."

"Harry and Louis get married and live happily ever after. No more hurt. No more pain."

"Happily ever after."

"Always."

The one problem with happily ever after was no one knew how long that would be. It could be days, weeks, months or years.

Nothing was ever guaranteed.

Nothing was ever forever.