Back To December

6.

It's Christmas eve, also Louis 17th birthday.

We say goodnight to his parents and he chases me up the stairs into his room. On the stairs we heard them laugh and then go out the backdoor most likely to walk over to my house. He tackles me onto his bed and I giggle from underneath him.

It's been 2 years. We've been doing this with each other for 2 years. We haven't dated anyone but we also haven't come out as together either. Niall, Zayne and Liam have all asked but they've also made their own assumptions at what exactly we are. He kisses my nose and then my lips before roughly taking my shirt off.

"Lou. I liked that one." I say watch him rip the shirt.

"It's okay. I got you a new one in my drawer. Now we had dinner I think I deserve dessert." He wiggles his eyebrows at me.

I laugh as he takes my shorts and boxers off and disappears between my thighs. He spreads me open and I groan as he rims me slowly with his tongue. He knows exactly what to do to make me moan loudly. His tongue dives into my hole and I grind down into his mouth. He groans and holds my hips down. After a few minutes of fucking me with his tongue he grabs the lube and condom from his table drawer. He lubes up his finger and slides the first one in slowly watching it disappear.

"Fuck. Harry. So sexy."

He kisses my lips and works his finger faster before adding a second. He curls them up and hits my prostate causing me to scream. A third and he's stretching me hitting that same spot over and over.

"Lou. Please. I'm ready." I moan.

He slides the condom on and lubes it up before sliding gently into me. He's always gentle. Ever since that first time on my 14th birthday he's been gentle. I don't want gentle. Not now.

"Lou. Harder."

He shakes his head. "No. This is love Haz. It's not just fucking."

I grab his head and force his eyes to look at me. "It can be both. Please Lou. Fuck me."

He stops with himself buried inside me. He's searching for something. He nods and then grabs my hips kneeling between my legs. He pulls out then slams back in hard. He does this over and over. Skin slapping skin. The roughness. I moan loudly and dig my nails into his back which makes him pound harder into me.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." He groans.

I grab my throbbing dick and start pumping up and down as he pounds into me.

"No." He growls moving my hand. "Come without touching yourself. You can do it."

He lifts my hips and pounds into my prostate and I scream his name. I don't care if anyone can hear outside these walls. I don't care about anything but Louis pounding into me and my cock which is now releasing all over my stomach the sticky liquid. Louis smirks and pounds into me once more releasing his load into the condom. He pulls out of me take the condom off and tossing it in his trash can. He licks my stomach clean and then comes to lay next to me.

"Well fuck me Harry." He exhales laying his head on my shoulder.

I laugh. "If you want me to but you'll have to give me at least 15 minutes."

He nods. "We can always try it because damn that was hot as fuck."

We go one more round this time he bottoms and begs me to fuck him hard. He comes quicker than I did and I lick his stomach of his delicious sweet cum before he pulls us both down the hallway and into the shower.

He massages shampoo into my hair and rinses it out before squirting some shampoo in my hands for me to return the favor. This is nice. This is a connection that only we have. No one else had been here. No one else sees the loving side of Louis that I do. They see the tough basketball captain who holds all the records. They see the boy who constantly turns down girls without a reason not knowing it's me that's in his bed most nights.

He's not mine though.

We don't have a label. I can't go up to him at school and kiss him or sit on his lap. I always want to. We keep boundaries at school though. It's just at home or with the boys that those boundaries drop. We're laying on his bed now after he changed the sheets and he's rubbing circles on my back.

"Penny for your thoughts Haz?"

I sigh looking up at him. "I want to come out Lou."

He sighs and stops rubbing my back. "Harry. I told you I'm not ready."

"It's been 2 years Lou." I bite my lip. Don't cry. Don't be a baby.

"Harry. Are you happy?"

I sit up and look at him. He sits up as well looking at me. "Of course I'm happy with you."

"Then why change anything? I told you I'm not ready yet."

"I know but you wouldn't be alone in this you know. I'd be there with you. We could go on dates. We could kiss at school. At your games."

He closes his eyes and shakes his head. "I'm sorry. I'm not ready to come out to everyone."

I close my eyes as the few tears I was holding back fall. I feel his thumbs wipe them away. I push his hands away. The clock beside his bed says it's now midnight. It's officially Christmas.

"So this is all we will be? A secret?" I ask in a whisper.

"Friends with benefits. It's always been enough before Haz."

"Before." I whisper. "I was a kid who was hopelessly crushing on you. Now I'm older and I know exactly what I feel. I want more Lou."

He brings his hand up to wipe my tears again. "Harry. I..."

I nod. "Okay." I get up and start getting dressed.

"Where are you going? Just sleep here like always. We can talk more in the morning." He begs.

"Will it change anything?" I ask looking into his eyes.

He shakes his head. "Harry. Please. Don't leave me."

I sigh and kiss him one last time. He grabs my neck trying to hold me to him but I pull his hands away. I walk to his window and open it sitting on it before I jump out completely.

"I'm sorry Louis. I'm falling for you and I can't fall alone. I want more than just friends with benefits...if you ever want more with me I'll be next door. I..." I take a deep breath. "I love you Louis Tomlinson."

I wait but he doesn't say anything. He doesn't even move from his bed. I nod and climb down the tree next to his window and jump the small drop to the ground. I open my window and climb in falling onto my bed.

I never could regret what I said. I wanted more. I wanted him to be my boyfriend. If I had known what the future held I might have held on a bit longer but...no one can see the future.