The Outsider

15. Crush Or Lust? (Part One)

15. Crush Or Lust? (Part One)

The following days went by rather quickly and they did not grant me any more interactions with Jasper. By the time Saturday rolled around I had barely caught a glimpse of him. Even in the one lecture we had together, I didn't catch sight of him. It felt like he was avoiding me.

He probably was avoiding me.

I didn't believe it was because he didn't like me though or didn't want to hurt me. If anything, the interaction we had, and the copious amount of thought I had put into it since then, it felt like he was avoiding me so others wouldn't hurt or speak badly about me.

The things that were being said about me when I had approached him and the potentially hurtful comments that the other students were throwing around, all stopped when Jasper turned on me. Everyone saw me as another victim, and not a co-conspirator. Jasper avoiding me and keeping his distance felt like his way of protecting me from other people.

This, no matter what way I thought of it, was not helping my infatuation with him. All it did was make me think that he cared about me which made me like him more. I no longer had any idea if I was lusting for him or if I had a crush on him, but whatever it was, I needed to talk to him again. To get close to him. I didn't care what everyone else thought about me or said about me. All I needed to do was make him see that and he would give in and let me get close.

At least, I hoped that's what would happen. There are kinks that needed to be worked out, but that was for another day. My current kink focus was the one sitting beside me, and sadly it wasn't sexual.

I was still as dry as a desert.

The kink in question, James, was still not fond of where I was looking at getting my water from.

"You need to rethink your entire life," James said, tossing a ball at the ceiling and catching it again. Over and over. "Now that I know you're not joking I need to help you back on the path to Jesus."

"I think Jesus would condone this," I stated, snatching the ball on its descent. "Besides, I think he likes me."

"Jasper doesn't like you. Jasper might want to eat you. Jasper could be a cannibal. Jasper could be a killer and a cannibal. The Hannibal, cannibal Jasper"

"Why are you saying his name so much?"

"I'm committing to memory. It's hard to go from one name to another."

"It's cute that you care." I smiled at James as he stole the ball back from me.

There was not a lot to do when you were poor and didn't have a television. This is what we had become.

"Shut up. I'm trying to be supportive while stopping you from doing a stupid thing and it is much harder than it looks," James stated, throwing the ball a little harder, causing it to hit the roof.

The ball shot back toward him, hitting his hand and ricocheting off in another direction, promptly ending our amusement.

"Well done," I said, causing James to slap my arm.

"Why won't you listen to me or literally anyone else when they tell you this is a bad idea?"

"Because you're all making assumptions. You're all judging someone based on speculation and minimal evidence of a past that may not have even happened," I ranted, a tinge of anger in my voice.

I wasn't sure where it came from, but it must have been sitting under the surface for a little while. I could feel something sitting there but couldn't make out what it was. Though, after all the constant remarks and pressure my friends, particularly James, was applying, it seemed to have built up, and James caused a touch of it to spill out.