A Loser's Guide to be Noticeable

17: Maybe Try a Different Direction

"Why the hell are you here?" Jaeden asked. He was still in his shorts and jersey, sitting at the bench with his elbows on his thighs while his hands clasped together. His face was fuming and his eyes looked like he wanted to kill somebody.

"I just wanted to check on you." I looked around, the changing room was empty, but it would not be long before someone came.

"Why? To make fun of me?" He raked his hair. "I guess I deserve it. People always hated me."

"Hey, don't say that." I went inside and sat beside him.

"Why not? Are you not happy?"

"No. Why would I?"

He stared at me knowingly.

I tried to look like I didn't know what he was talking about.

We were in a staring contest. Jaeden trying to prove that I was lying, and I was stubborn as hell.

Jaeden's hair rumpled, the lights made his shadow refined, making his jaw sharper and his blue eyes brighter. He looked devastatingly beautiful. I didn't know how long our eyes stared at each other: Minutes? Hours? Time became irrelevant. It was quiet that I could hear the air boiling, that I could hear the sweat on my face trickling. The air became heavy, heating, making it difficult to breathe. I swallowed, parting my lips a little to consume some air.

But then his lips stretched into a smile, which made me smile. When he chuckled, I chuckled. It was like the way we were before, me trying to find things that I like about him and copy them.

"You're still stubborn as fuck."

I would've said "Shut up" if he didn't bump my shoulder with his and felt his sweaty arms with mine. The hair on my body rose as if my soul jumped out for a second before it went back.

Jaeden frowned. "Are you okay?"

Gravity was pulling my stomach, weighing me down, as if Jaeden's stare wanted me to pull in hell, soak in the fire. Wait, why was I thinking this nonsense?

Shit. Stop.

So I looked down instead. That was a mistake. His sweaty arms were shining from the lights above. I never knew how good Jaeden's arm looked. Something was growing at me. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Calm down, calm down. Retreat, retreat.

"U-um. I should go. You should get dressed before people will come here." I didn't wait for his reply and went to a secluded hallway. I hold on to the wall, taking a deep breath.

There was still Jaeden's sweat on my arm. So I quickly wiped it using my shirt.

My ears were hot. I was burning. And if I was in hell, I probably deserve it. Because what just happened?

When I calmed down and realized how rude leaving Jaeden just like that, I went back to the changing room, but there were people talking and laughing inside. Jaeden was probably gone.

I wanted to text him, but it seemed inappropriate, or maybe I was just trying to find excuses to put some distance with Jaeden for a little while.

Every time my mind goes back to that moment, my ears would set fire. Jaeden was charming if he would take an effort. When we were kids, even though I was hiccuping and sobbing, Jaeden would just smile at me, wiping my tears, blowing my scraped knee, and whispering that everything would be okay, it never fail to make me smile. When he protected me from every person who would pick on me, that scowl and determination in his eyes amazed me. That was why the little me looked up to Jaeden so much.

But the feelings I had when we were alone in the changing room were different, it wasn't an innocent admiration or friendship. It was--

I lightly slapped my cheeks. No! Never go that way. It was not. Maybe I was just a little horny. Maybe I read too many BL books. And It was a little long since the last time I relieve myself. Perhaps when I jack off to my bedroom, I would forget about that. I would be back to normal.

"Why did you take so long? Is he okay?" Lawrence asked when I sat beside him. It was the seniors who occupied the basketball court.

My gaze was fixed on them doing their drills. "No, he's not. But it's fine now." At least I thought he was fine, because I left him there before I knew the answer.

"Are you okay?"

I glanced at Lawrence, trying to look innocent. "Hm... yeah. Yeah, I'm okay."

But Lawrence's weird look didn't leave me. Uncomfortable, I looked away.

I just needed to wait a little. When I got home, the tension inside me would soothe after I relieved myself. I was sure of it. One hundred percent sure.

***

And I did. In my bedroom, without changing clothes, I slumped on my bed, grabbed a dirty sock on my hamper and a bottle of lotion in the drawer of my nightstand, pushed my pants and boxer around my knees, and relieved myself.

When my sleek hand squeezed myself, I closed my eyes, biting my lower lip.

I imagined someone kissing and licking me, trailing kisses from my lips to my neck, chest, nipples, abdomen... down, down, down. I clasped his brown hair, it was soft in my hands.

My eyes fluttered, but I held to the fantasy, almost believing it was real. The muscles in my arm ached as my hands started to get faster.

Then I turned his face toward me. Blue eyes, bright and unfocused. Before it dawned on me who was it, I came. Still staring at his eyes.

"Shit," I said, gazing at the ceiling, catching my breath, and calming my wild heart.

Using my sock, I tried to wipe the jizz, but it was a lot. Most of it is in my shirt. I removed it, which was also soaked with sweat, and used it to wipe the mess in my body. I was not a pig, I hated disorder, but my mind was in disarray anyway. So I just let my shirt fall on the floor as I covered my face with my arm.

What was that? Why, with just that look, made me feel like I was in heat? No. No, Felix, whatever the hell you were thinking, shove it away. It wasn't in the plan. Besides, nothing would happen between us. Heck, I didn't want to something happen between us. I was just here to help him. That was it. Only to help.

Yeah, yeah, right, right. The burning feeling I felt was just a bug in my system. Identified. Then I needed to debug it.

And... done.

There was nothing anymore, completely squashed. I was clean again.

When I finally convinced myself, I was now a little lighter. And to prove myself, I got up, took a shower, changed into fresh clothes, then left a message to Jaeden:

Sorry I left. How are you? Feeling okay now?

And sent. See, no butterfly in the stomach, no heart pounding so fast, nothing that some books I read in every story when the protagonist fell in love with his one true love. Nothing.

My phone buzzed.

Jaeden: yeah

That was it? Just yeah? But then it buzzed again.

i jst hate that clarke made me look idiot in front of every ppl

Then show them where you good at.

how?

Prhyme's band audition. I put your name on the list

what?!!!

I know, you said you didn't want to, but if you played that music you composed, I'm sure you get in.

but idont want to look geek in front of stacey

Did you read my web novel? Cello, the prince Stacey, like is good with instrument, Stacey love guys who play instrument too.

(I mean, I was not sure, but the part where Prince Cello was good at instrument was true.)

For a moment, there was no reply from Jaeden. Then one word appeared on my phone that made me jump and shouted a big "yes!"

Jaeden: fine