A Loser's Guide to be Noticeable

24: Don't Forget to Have Fun

I waited for him outside their house. And, together, we went to the arcade, a walking distance from our subdivision, just a little far from the kindergaten/elementary school. Felix was quiet throughout, he didn't even glance at me. He was still mad.

The arcade was called Merriment. As far as I can remember, it was built before we already knew it existed. Dad told me that it was there when he was in middle school. The arcade was a grandpa.

When Felix and I were kids, we saved money just to play arcades. Felix was the one who kept the money because I was a sucker for anything with money. He was good at it -- with that little book that has a lot of numbers. "To monitor our cash," Felix explained when I asked about it. I didn't understand shit, but he was good at planning and stuff so I nodded and trusted him. And at the end of the month, we would produce a lot of money, enough to play every game in the Merriment Arcade -- twice. It was one of the happiest moments that happened in my damn life and I anticipated it every month.

"Do you remember..." I bit my tongue when I realized that I was about to tell him that.

But it was too late. Felix looked at me, his lips quirked a little, and that was enough to know that he knew what I was talking about. But not long after, his eyes blinked, and as if saying he was still angry, he wiped his smile and crossed his arms, walking faster.

It was not just about Hudson, it was about what I did to him. He still didn't forgive me. Well, fine, I didn't want his forgiveness. What was important was he still kept helping me with Stacey. Other than that was not important. Why would I suggest going to Merriment with him anyway?

We exchanged our money for arcade coins. Thank God I got my allowance for October.

"I'm going to choose what we're going to play and you don't have any say with it," Felix said as we walked inside.

The Merriment Arcade was full of people, mostly teenagers and kids with their parents (although there were kids who were alone but still enjoying themselves). I scanned the place and a sighed of relief went out of me when I didn't know anyone inside. The place was like an in-between past and future: peeled white paints on walls and retro neon signs and old arcade games blended with the new ones and colorful laser lights. It was an odd but nice combination.

Felix went to an available game of mini-bowling. He smirked at me as we put some coins in the slot. Felix started the game. All the pins tumbled. A "Congratulations" sign was glowing on the screen in front of us. He punched the air and said "Yes!"

I just let him with his little victory before I smiled at him and got to the position. I grabbed the small ball and took my time staring at the pins before rolling it. The ball hit all the pins.

Felix's mouth hung a little. Maybe he forgot, but in the arcade, I was the better player.

We took turns each round. In the beginning, he didn't miss all the pins, and then he got distracted and started missing while I hit everything without any sweat. In the end, I won the game.

"You're still too lousy," I said, a smug smile on my face.

"Whatever." He stormed away, fist clenching as I followed him while laughing. Felix looked like a child having a tantrum. I almost mussed his hair.

Then we went to every game he chose, from racing cars to shooting. All of them I've won. And I always gloated at him about it, laughing when he retorted but ended up losing again and again.

But my laughter stopped when we walked to the game I always avoided. "No fucking way," I shouted as he waited for the two girls occupying the game and still dancing in front of the big screen. Korean music playing loudly.

Felix grinned. "Yes way!"

I hated dancing, I was a shit on it. He was cheating by playing the games I didn't give a damn. Taking a step back, I shook my head. "No."

When the two girls abandoned the game, Felix went to the dance floor, shoved some coins, and picked a song. He glanced at me. "Come on! Just one game. Or maybe you're just afraid that I could beat you this time around." His confidence was back, taunting me. If I backed out, he would laugh at me, but if I accepted he would still laugh at me. "Don't worry. I'm not as good as you might think I am," he added.

I glanced left and right, confirming that there were no people I knew inside the arcade. Then I walked to the dance floor. "Don't laugh at me!"

"I wouldn't dare." But his eyes were glinting with mischief and hit the play button.

An upbeat song was starting to play. On the screen, two dancers appeared that we needed to follow. My body was stiff as a board, but when I glanced at Felix, he was also the same. I chuckled, which made him look at me.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing."

"Told you. I'm not good." And we both laughed.

After the song ended, he chose another and then another one, that was when I noticed I was having fun.

***

"Did people really see me as a bully?" I asked, breaking the silence. We were at the fast food beside Merriment Arcade. Felix and I had so much fun that we forgot that it was already afternoon and we still didn't have lunch.

After Felix swallowed his burger, he gave me this are-you-kidding look. "You really have to ask that?"

"I mean, fine, I know what I did." I stared at the straw on my milkshake that my hands were toying. "Especially to you. But I'm not an awful person. Right?" I badly wanted to glance at Felix but I was afraid of his reaction. I didn't know why I wanted him to see me as not an awful person.

A long silence passed before he said, "It doesn't really matter, doesn't it? What's done is done. Besides, my opinion is not important, right? We're not friends. The important thing is to move forward."

Flashes of Felix and me as a kid, protecting him from people who did awful things to him just because his half-Filipino. "Of course, I'll protect you. You're my best friend," I always said to him when we were little.

"You're right," I said before forcing myself to eat the cold fries. Felix and I were not friends anymore. We were here because he was helping me, there was nothing more of it.

The silence went back and sat at our table. Buzz of people talking and laughing filled the place.

Then I broke it again. "I told my mom about the band thing."

Felix smiled, but it was more of a relief that we were back at the safe topic. "And?"

I shrugged. "She said she's proud of me, but I guess she just said it because she pitied me for fishing out some compliments even though I wasn't."

Felix gave an unreadable look that made me uncomfortable. "Maybe she meant it."

"No, she doesn't." Mom only liked my brother, not me. If she could exchange me with others, she would gladly do it.

He tapped my hand, making me look at him. "Hey, you know how you could prove everyone wrong?"

"How?"

"Be a kick-ass rock 'n roll god."

I burst out laughing.

"Hey!" Felix said while chuckling. "I'm serious."

I was still laughing and I could feel the tears forming in my eyes. "Don't say that again, it sounds stupid."

That made us laugh even more. Felix always knew how to make me feel a little better. And a little was enough.