One and Done: Sweets and Lemons (JJBA one shots)

The Rise of the Roomba - Mista x Reader

A/N:  if you haven't watched the movie Elvira: Mistress of the Dark, I suggest you do.  It's one of my favorites, funny and dark without being overbearing.  I hope I captured the mental image I have in my head of this situation.  In my brain this was funny AF. 

Y/N had an easygoing relationship with Mista.  They spent many afternoons and evenings hanging out at the Bucciarati home.  Being the only woman who regularly visited their home base was a bit awkward at first, giving Bruno a bit of a discomfort during her first few visits.  The gang was such an eclectic conglomeration of personalities he was sure there would be at least one member who would make Mista's girlfriend uncomfortable.

However, this was not the case.  Y/N was pretty, charming, and intelligent.  Her amiable demeanor was calming and agreeable, securing her as everyone's friend in just a few visits.  Even Abbacchio enjoyed her presence.  When she was over, he would actually participate in movie and game nights with the rest of the crew. 

Tonight was a movie night; popcorn, snacks and Elvira: Mistress of the Dark were in order.  The scantily clad protagonist was a favorite of Y/N's and the boys had never seen the movie.  Besides, autumn was right around the corner and Y/N was in the mood to bring on the Halloween spirit. 

When Elvira appeared on screen there had been some ruckus from Mista and Narancia, surprised at the overt sexuality of her appearance.  Y/N and Bruno, now captivated by the American beauty on screen, shushed them before matters could get out of hand.  As the film progressed, the group laughed and enjoyed themselves. 

As the credits rolled a volley of comments filled the room. A lively discussion of the movie followed, including questions some of them had about the American culture that birthed such an interesting character.  Y/N was thrilled the boys had shared her enthusiasm for the flick.

Eventually the conversation strayed to other topics: how Halloween is celebrated in the US, why strawberry cake is the best dessert, among other random things.  As always, Buccerrati was relieved that Y/N had a unifying effect on his makeshift family. 

Noting that the hour was getting late he suggested they should probably be wrapping up the evening; tomorrow was a chore day and if they didn't want to waste the whole day on their tasks they would need to get up a decent hour.

Before their conversation could completely dissipate, Mista made a profound observation.  "Did you know that most dust is human skin flakes?  That means those vacuum robots..." Mista struggled to remember what they were called.

"Roombas?" Bruno provided.

"Yeah, those," the gunslinger agreed.  The faces around him wore varied expressions, anticipating where this was going.  Fugo and Abbacchio looked ready to oppose whatever absurd statement their friend was about to make.  Narancia was captivated, always being on the more gullible side of the spectrum.  Y/N was looking up to her sweetheart, ever amused by his antics.  Bruno merely waited, hoping Mista wasn't about to make a ridiculous statement in the same vein as his rants involving the number four. 

"This means Roombas are carnivorous robots.  I think that one day dust won't satisfy their needs!  With all the artificial intelligence that they are using now, I believe the Roombas will rise and devour us!"

Eyes rolled around the circle of friends, with the exception of Narancia whose eyes had grown wide as dinner plates with fear.

Fugo rose quickly, "That is the most illogical statement you've made, Mista.  Roombas randomly clean the floor until they bump into something and change directions.  There is no murderous intent, unless you fear for the safety of dust bunnies!"  The strawberry blonde chuckled, taking the stairs to head to his room.  Abbacchio followed with an irritated huff. 

Narancia remained seated, the bowl of popcorn in his lap forgotten in his horror.  His face was tensed into an expression of total fear.  Bruno needed to break the hold Mista's words had taken on the young man.  He had no intention of spending the night comforting Narancia who sometimes lost sleep over things that scared him.  It perplexed the leader that such a proficient stand user could be stopped in his tracks by the horrors of sentient vacuums. 

"Wait...hear me out," Mista called out.

Y/N was laughing at the situation, but recognized the effect he had on young Narancia.  "Honey, maybe we should..."

But before she could finish her sentence, Buccerrati put the potential chaos to rest.  His calm but commanding voice began, "Mista."

Y/N could feel her boyfriend tense next to her.  His attention snapped to his boss, realizing that he might be in some sort of trouble. 

Bruno continued, "Since you are apparently the reason I cannot purchase a Roomba, or four, to help out in the house...".  Mista gasped at the blasphemy his leader had just uttered so casually.  "I think it is only fair that you take over the tasks of vacuuming and dusting."

With this stated, Bucciarati leaned into Y/N planting a brush of a kiss on each cheek and bidding her a good night.  Turning away, he made his way up the stairs to turn in for the night.  His voice floated down to the remaining three, "Don't stay up too late, Mista.  You will have quite a lot to do in the morning!"

By now Narancia was rolling on the floor, holding his belly as his uncontrollable laughter replaced fear.  Mista huffed and crossed his arms over his chest.  Y/N giggled, he looked so much like a pouting child that just got grounded. 

Although Y/N was a little disappointed that Mista's mood would be unrecoverable, she could understand what Bruno had done.  She had been hoping to get her man to walk her home so they could spend some time alone together.  Knowing that he would have his work cut out for him in the morning, it was a huge house after all, she planted a kiss on his forehead and left. 

All that remained was Mista pouting on the couch with Narancia finally recovering from his fit of laughter.  Adjusting his orange headband, he said, "So I guess the only sucking happening tonight is you thinking about sucking up the dust tomorrow." 

Mista sprung from the couch chasing the cheeky young man up the stairs.   Narancia slammed his door, engaging the lock just in time to avoid being caught by the thoroughly frustrated Mista.  Shoulders slumped, the gunslinger made his way to his room. 

Hearing the final bedroom door loudly close as Mista retired in defeat for the night, Bruno chuckled.  He made a mental note to send flowers to Y/N in the morning to make up for ruining the rest of her evening.  He closed his eyes, relieved to have a reason to pass off some of his cleaning duties.