Sin & Salvation

Chapter 9

WARNING: This chapter contains graphic depictions of an ED (bulimia). Read at your own discretion & remember, you are loved, you are safe, and you matter ♡

I'm hanging up the last dress in my closet from my angry and destructive mental breakdown earlier when I hear Brett's car pull into the driveway. Peeking through the blinds, I watch as he steps out of the car with his phone up to his ear.

Whoever he's talking to must have said something funny because I can see him laughing before he hangs up. He begins his walk to the front door and I take that as my cue to head downstairs as well.

The smell of rosemary, thyme, and garlic from the roast chicken I have cooking in the oven fills my nose. It reminds me of my childhood and I silently tell myself that I have to call my Mom soon. I'm on the last step when the door opens and he walks in.

"There's my girl." He sets his bag down and extends his arms as he makes his way over to me. "Come here baby."

I waste no time in wrapping my arms around his waist and resting my cheek on his chest. As soon as his warmth and the smell of his familiar cologne hits me, I fall apart. Because no matter how much he's hurt me, how much he's scared me— he always feels like home. He's always here, even when I don't want him to be, even when I make him unhappy.

How could I be so awful to ever look at another man and feel something for them?

My tears threaten to drip on his shirt and I quickly pull back to wipe my eyes before they can. I don't need to upset him when he's being nice enough to comfort me. Another tear leaves my eye when I look at him and he cups my face in his hands.

"What's going on my love? Why are you so upset?" He tucks my hair behind my ear and I close my eyes, leaning into his hand to fully take in the moment. Times like this don't happen often, but when they do, I cherish them as much as I can.

"I read a really sad book about a girl losing her boyfriend and it just made me miss you. And I'm just glad you're home safe."

"Those books mess with your emotions too much, baby, maybe you have to spend less time reading them. I don't like seeing my beautiful girl cry tears that I didn't cause."

The pad of his thumb follows the trail of a tear on my cheek and he wipes it off. With my face still in his hands, he brings it closer to his, kissing my forehead, nose, and lips. I still melt every time.

How can a man who causes me so much pain also be the person I feel safest with? I find comfort in the hands of a person who wouldn't think twice about using those same hands to cause me pain. But what really bothers me is that I stood up to an even scarier and more intimidating man earlier today that wasn't Brett— and I was fine.

I guess I haven't completely lost the fire in me yet. She's still there.

I push those thoughts to the back of my head and try to focus on Brett comforting me. After a minute of him holding me against his chest and caressing my hair, he lets go and kisses me. I live for these times because the absolute ecstasy that runs through my veins is so addicting— it feels like a drug.

Everything is perfect until I hear the sound of gravel crunching from someone pulling into the driveway. Who could be coming here right now? I look at Brett wondering if he's as confused as I am.

"I was going to tell you when I got home, but you were upset so I figured I'd wait. I invited Silas over for dinner tonight so we can look over some things afterwards. Hope you made enough food." He smiles and hastily kisses my forehead. "Go place another setting for him while I let him in."