Sin & Salvation

Chapter 11

WARNING: This chapter contains graphic depictions of physical/psychological abuse and SA. Read at your own discretion & remember, you are loved, you are safe, and you matter ♡

"Have a good night man, drive safe. See you in the morning!" Brett waves Silas off as he backs out of the driveway. I stand behind him, arms crossed, watching him leave. The petty part of me is glad to see him finally go, but I can't ignore how on edge I feel once I'm left alone with Brett again. 

Strangely, I feel safer around him when Silas is here. Maybe it's because I know that Silas doesn't seem to tolerate Brett's shitty behavior— or because I know Brett probably wouldn't hurt me while he's around. Emphasis on probably.

"Finally, just me and my girl," Brett sighs, closing the door and pulling me in by the waist. I giggle as he starts tickling me and assaulting my face with kisses.

"Stop! You know I hate being tickled."

"And you know I love doing things to you that you hate. Come on princess, you know better than that by now." His fingers start digging into my sides deeper and the tickling actually becomes painful.

"Okay, okay, come on, let's get ready for bed. It's been a long day, we could both use sleep." I try to pull away but he tightens his grip on my waist and forces me closer to him.

"Who says we're going to bed?"

Considering how wound up I am from my encounter with Silas earlier, I'm surprised I'm not more eager to jump into bed with Brett and let him use my body however he pleases. But honestly, after the day I've had, the only thing on my mind is closing my eyes and desperately trying to forget the last 24 hours.

"I'm so exhausted babe and I think I'm getting a migraine. Can it wait until tomorrow?" I look up at him hoping that he can see the pain behind my eyes. I'm not exactly lying, all the crying from today has given me a nasty headache.

He hesitates, his face becoming cold and dead. "Fine. Go up without me, I have to get some things ready for tomorrow anyways."

The way he practically throws me off of him and walks away without acknowledging me lets me know that he's definitely pissed. My anxiety is telling me to just go after him and submit to him right there in the hallway, saving me from the pain of worrying when he'll take what he wants another time.

But a new, deeper, velvety voice speaks up in a dark corner of my head. I quickly realize it's not my anxiety or my own voice— but Silas'.

Don't ever stoop down to the level of anyone who can't reach the one you're on.

I'm still annoyed with our encounter earlier but I'd be lying if I said that the voice inside my head doesn't soothe the anxiety threatening to terrorize my nerves. I decide that I will go upstairs and go to bed because I deserve it— not because of what Silas said, but because I say it.

Anyways, I shouldn't feel guilty for not having sex with a man simply because he wants it. I confidently go up to my room and start getting ready for bed.

The soft fabric of my matching pajama set grazes my freshly-shaved and lotioned thighs as I pat moisturizer into my face. In the time Brett has been down in his office, I've managed to do some self-care, including a face mask and massaging some lavender lotion onto my entire body. The bottle said it helps relieve stress and I honestly thought about ingesting all of it, hoping it might help with the shit-storm that is my life.

My long shower allowed me time to think and I still can't believe that I almost wanted to kiss Silas earlier. No matter how crappy Brett is, he doesn't deserve to be hurt like that. I've decided that there's just no way Silas and I can be in the same room together, at least without me imagining what it would be like to have him inside me— or wanting to claw his pretty eyes out.