Sin & Salvation

Chapter 44

"Guys? Are you in there? It's just me."

Payton's voice is muffled through the door and we both let out a huge sigh knowing it's not Brett or Jason.

"Just a second," I reply back.

Gently, Silas lets my legs drop from his waist to the floor and he picks up my shirt. I go to grab it from him but he holds it open over my head. The gesture is so small and insignificant, but my heart swells instantly as I lift my hands above my head, allowing him to dress me.

He plants a soft kiss on my forehead and I close my eyes, holding onto the moment for as long as I can. I reach down for my sweatshirt as he opens the door, allowing Payton inside. Squeezing herself into the already tight closet that now reeks like sweat and almost-sex, we look at each other awkwardly, unsure what to say.

Her eyes well up with tears as do mine and we both break down, grabbing onto each other and squeezing hard. She smells like Warm Vanilla Sugar and it fills me with memories of the girl I've trusted and loved for so long.

"I'm so sorry, P. I should've known better."

I feel her shake her head as she rests it on my shoulder. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been sneaking around behind your back and keeping shit from you. That's not what best friends do."

I want to respond, but I don't know what to say, so I just squeeze her tighter, hoping she can feel my forgiveness. She's right in some ways, but I know that I've also been really on-edge for the last few weeks and I definitely overreacted at the bar that night.

She pulls back and looks at me, her big eyes full of tears, and it makes me cry harder. "But you've been keeping some things from me too. And while I can't blame you for that, I blame myself for being so blind to how badly you were hurting." She sobs and I pull her into my chest, running my hands down her hair.

"Don't you dare blame yourself. You were never meant to know and I'm sorry that you had to find out this way." I continue to comfort her and rub her back, calming her down as she cries. Silas looks at me, tears in his own eyes that he's quick to wipe away.

"I should be the one comforting you right now, not the other way around," Payton says, coming up to wipe her nose on her sleeve.

I shrug and smile slightly. "I'm used to it."

"You shouldn't be." Silas' harsh tone surprises me and we both look at him. "Payton's right— you should be the one being comforted. Yet you're always the first to make sure everyone else is okay. That needs to change." He lifts my chin up towards him. "Okay?"

The love behind his eyes warms my soul from the inside out.

"Okay," I respond, nodding as I do. He smiles at me and pulls me into his chest for a hug. I wrap my arms around his waist, feeling the muscles in his back tense as he squeezes me hard.

Remembering Payton still standing there upset, I reach one arm out and pull her into us. "Come here you sweet little fucking angel."

She giggles as Silas opens his arms wider, embracing us both. The only two people in my life who I can really trust are cramped into this linen closet with me, both still here after knowing all the fucked up shit I've kept from them. The one thing I've been trying to hide for so long, scared of anyone ever finding out, is finally out and it feels freeing.

After a minute, I pull away and Payton does the same.

"Okay, it's getting fucking warm in here and they're probably wondering where we all are by now," I say, laughing.

They both nod in unison and I open the door to walk down the hall to go back outside with Jason and Brett. As we approach the doors to the deck, Payton walks out, but Silas lightly grabs my arm, holding me back. When I turn to ask what he's doing, he just nods to Payton as if to tell her to go on without us. She understands right away and closes the door.