Bet We Could Make Some MORE (History Huh?)

20: The Morning After (Alex)

Alex rolls over to drape his arm over his husband, only there is no one there. Alex feels the empty other side of the bed before he flashes open his eyes to see the empty sheets. Panic starts to fill him as he jumps up, but there, in the chair across from the bed, is Henry. Sleeping. Fully clothed. With a packed suitcase on the ground next to him.

His head lies on his shoulder and even in sleep he looks uncomfortable with his shirt buttoned all the way up his neck and loosened tie. Alex is unsure if he should wake his sleeping husband, and what Henry would do once he did. They still have another two days left of their honeymoon, though reporters would likely have caught wind of where they are staying during Alex's and Henry's sleeping hours. But how many of those hours had Henry actually spent sleeping? He had woken up long enough to dress and pack a bag.

Alex slowly opens the covers and stands up from the bed in his boxers. The blinds were mostly closed, with just a crack of light peeking through that had woken him. As he starts to walk over to Henry, he stirs. His head tilts up and his eyes open, and there the two of them are. One nearly naked and one dressed with his shoelaces tied, staring dead into each other's eyes.

"Darling," Henry breaks the silence. "You're up."

"Yes, well it is morning, love. Though it looks as though you were up long before me."

Henry breaks the eye contact as he glances towards his suitcase on the ground. "Yes, well..."

This time the silence is deafening as Alex stares into those deep-set, saddened blue eyes. Alex feels as though he may cry; although he still doesn't know what is going on, he feels the pain of it in his core. "Are we leaving? Or... are you?" Alex barely manages to spit out without tears escaping as well.

"Well, I was. I was going to leave." Henry stands so they are eye level. "I don't think you understand how hard this has been for me."

Alex can see it now, how had he not before? How had he not seen the extent of it? Henry looks like a ghost of himself. Like all the color is drained from his skin despite the last few days sitting in the sun. And those eyes; they hold it all. In the blue of his eyes Alex sees shattered glass. But they, at least, seem dry while Alex's own overfill with the tears that are now running down his face.

"But," Henry says as he takes a step towards him. "I realized that we are adults. That I am no longer a boy prince, scared of himself, but a grown man, and a husband. Running away like I did in Texas when I realized that you loved me is not a viable option anymore. And somehow I love you even more now than I did then, and I cannot stand to risk losing you."

"You will never lose me." Alex chokes out between the steady streams of tears. "But did I... did I really get that close to losing you?"

Henry takes a deep breath and then closes the space between them, wrapping his arms around Alex. Alex welcomes the warm embrace, but it still doesn't settle the turning of his gut. He feels like he's about to puke. None of it would have been worth losing Henry. In this moment, Alex would give up politics completely and go into hiding just to keep Henry. Anything. Anything to keep him.

And just like that: Alex breaks. All his walls and willpower couldn't save him now. He lets himself crumple. He lets it all come out. He sobs and sobs into Henry's shoulder.

Henry never answered his question, but just quietly holds him as he cries. Alex knows that he should be the one comforting Henry right now. That he is the one who had put his brand-new husband through so much without even realizing how much it was affecting him. He cries and then heaves after no more tears would fall, and then breaks Henry's grasp and runs to the bathroom where he actually does vomit up the little of last night's dinner. Henry kneels there on the ground next to him, rubbing his back and calling him pet names until Alex can feel there was no more coming up and slouches down against the side of the tub.

"I'm sorry," he says, staring at the bathroom wall, unable to look Henry in the eye. "I'm so sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry for being sick, dear."

"That's not what I meant. But yeah, for that too."

They let the silence stretch again, without meeting each other's gaze. "Maybe you should have," Alex finally says. "I would have deserved it. I've been so... oblivious! Uncaring and un-considerate."

"I don't believe that's a word, darling."

"You know what I mean." Alex finally turns to look at his husband. Now Henry's eyes hold liquid that threatens to spill over. Alex preventively wipes them. "I love you. And I've been the worst husband. I've only been a husband for point-two seconds, and I'm already the worst one ever."

"You are far from the worst, sweetheart. And you have plenty of time to raise your score."

Alex lets out a one-breath laugh and a small smile form on his lips. "I promise," he says inches from Henry's face, "to be better. We can forget the election if you want. I'll pull out!" Alex goes to stand and look for his phone in the bedroom, but Henry grabs his hand from his spot on the ground.

"No." Henry stands, not letting go of Alex's hand. "You are not giving up your life dreams for me. That is not what I want. I knew, long before I married you, that your purpose is to help people. And I will never stand in the way of that. And I will always, always, support you. I just also need some space for myself. And sometimes, I need you to support me."

"I.." Alex can feel the tears have regrouped and are coming back for round two. "I should have..." And Henry kisses him. A long deep kiss, not searching for more, but breathing into him his love, his soul, his everything. Giving it all to Alex, as he'd always done.

When the kiss breaks, Alex can smell his own puke breath. "I... I'm sorry. I must taste awful."

"Yes, well I did get a slight hint of chocolate cake and maybe fish? Which is odd because neither of us had the fish last night."

"Just... uhh.. give me a moment." Alex goes to the sink and brushes his teeth quickly. Henry waits for him in the doorway, and when he's done, Alex grabs Henry's hand and leads him to the bed where they both sit.

"I really am so sorry, baby."

"I know you are, dear."

"Do you still want to leave? Together, I mean. Now that they know where we are and will likely find us again if they haven't already."

"I don't know, do you?"

"Yeah. Yeah I think I do. Let's go home. To New York, for the next few days. Until I have to get back on the campaign trail. Which, I think, maybe you shouldn't join me."

Henry looks honestly surprised, but the least Alex could offer him is to spare him the last leg of the trail.

"But, darling, they're all expecting us. Together. Married. Happy."

"I am happy. With you. You make me so happy, but you deserve to be happy too."

"You make me happy too, darling, you know that."

"Yes, but the campaign. Congress. That's my dream. And you have done so much to support me, like you said, I need to support you more. I wish that we could just stay on this honeymoon forever, but if I am going to run, I intend to win, and if I'm going to win, I have to campaign, but you don't."

"But won't people think there's something wrong between us? And that would very likely hurt your chances."

"We'll find a believable story. You'll be there when... if I win."

"But–"

"No 'but's."

"What if I want to go."

"You don't."

"You're right, but I want you to win. I can make a few appearances, fly out to the big cities whenever I'm not busy doing whatever we make up I have to be doing for the next month. I love you."

"I love you more."

"That's up for debate." And Alex kisses him, deeply, needingly.