A Life with Him [VegasXPete]

CHAPTER 11

PETE

Pete didn’t know how much time passed since he entered his car.

After the appointment with the doctor, Pete walked out of the hospital as fast as he could, wanting nothing more than just leave, out of the hospital, out of other people sight, out of himself even. But, when he got himself into the car, his hands were trembling too much for him to be able to start the engine, so Pete just stayed there, staring the envelope that rested on his hands with the ultrasound picture inside. Confusion was not even close to be the word to describe how he was feeling in that moment. Deep inside, he knew he already felt something for the baby inside of him, but, another part of him, a big one, was dying with fear of what the consequences of him deciding to keep the baby would be.

After all, Pete knew that for any couple, having a baby was a big and difficult step, one that required a lot of conversation and a lot of planning. Or at least was how he thought it should be. Him and Vegas weren’t even a year together, they didn’t even have the opportunity to take a time out together or even introduce Vegas to his grandparents. Sure, he was more than certain that Vegas was the person who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Pete was even more certain that Vegas felt the same, but he was also sure that he meant that for the two of them and the two of them only. He never had the baby conversation with Vegas nor even knew if Vegas thought about having kids at all. A baby that soon on a relationship could make things go bad between them, with the stress and everything that its simple existence could bring. And, on top all of that, a lot of things, important things, were happening with their family. No matter how much Pete wanted to keep it, he was more than certain that a baby would not have a place in their lives.

At least not now.

There was a fear inside Pete’s heart that Vegas would ask him to choose between him and their kid and no matter how new the whole pregnancy thing was for him, the choice would be extremely difficult to do. Pete let his head fall on the car’s wheel while he closed his eyes with force, cursing at himself on how messed up this whole situation truly was for him. What he was even thinking? He thought about living together for a couple more years before propose to his boyfriend and then, marry with him. Kids weren’t even in the picture.

“Fuck...” Pete cursed while feeling the tears run down his face. “What the hell am I supposed to do?” He asked to no one.

That lonely feeling was beginning to strike him again, that agony inside his chest and the weight of the doubt inside him, making difficult for Pete to breathe. He knew that he needed to tell Vegas about it, that they need to have a conversation about what the best choice would be, but he was too afraid of losing his boyfriend before even getting the chance to talk about their options with him, with only the news making Vegas feeling like he needed to leave Pete. The thought of him being fearful on Vegas’s leaving only added more guilt on him; if Vegas was there, Pete knew how hurt he would get if Pete shared this fear with him. But, on the other way around, Pete didn’t want Vegas to stay only because he felt like it was his responsibility with Pete to stay with him and raise their kid together.

Pete punched the wheel hard with pure frustration starting to grow inside of him.

He grabbed the keys to start the engine when his phone rang inside the front pocket of his hoodie. He forgot he left the thing inside there and, for a brief moment, he remembered about his grandma saying to him to not sleep with his cellphone beside his head because of the “radiation” that the bloody thing supposedly emitted. And now, he left the cellphone right beside his abdomen. He felt like laughing at how stupid and dumb he was being for not even having the baby with him yet and be already messing things up.