Clouded Alignment (NB)✔️

3. Oct-Nov

[CW: homophobic slurs and speech - I won't put warnings for this in the future, probably, but there will be multiple points with homophobia and transphobia in these early few chapters.]

All of September and October is spent getting used to my classes and homework, making sure to go to church every Sunday with my mom and interacting with Cantor and his friends. I don't expand my horizons much but I do make less than a handful of acquaintances outside of his friend group so I'm glad about that.

The friend-ish people I know got to know a bit about are a whole table of people from my science class, Daniella and Xima from my math class, Bobby from my history class-the one who has gym first period-, and Maya in my English and Art class. They're all pretty cool but we don't really speak out of class time so I wouldn't consider us fully friends yet.

Out of Cantor's friends, I've gotten closer to him and everyone to the point that I'm a lot more comfortable with speaking but I usually don't have much to say so I'm quiet most of the time. I don't mind listening to the group while they talk but it's a little tiring when they press a response from me while saying I have a resting bitch face. Sometimes I just don't have anything to smile about or add to the conversation and I'd rather not fake one.

It's not on purpose, I'm having some fun at least, I just don't feel the need to force a smile that doesn't come naturally. If something's funny, I'll laugh, if not then I won't. The group moves on fine without my input since they all know each other so well. I'm just an addition so if I don't fit in the puzzle, I can't really be mad about that. Even out of place, it's still nice to be around people who like if and when I do add to the conversation. So at least Cantor's friends aren't actually bad company, except for when-

"GAYYYY! Fucking gross!" Bruce shouts at these two boys walking near each other, with their arms interlocked, down the hall.

Yeah- that.

Mikael, Drake and Cantor snicker and laugh before Lily joins in, covering her mouth. Those boys weren't even doing anything, they were just near each other. I side-eye and make contact with Jackie and Derek as they both eye roll their annoyance just like mine. At least they don't all find it funny because I sure don't. Even with my mothers conservative views towards gay people, I don't feel any more comfortable or used to these kinds of things where someone is pointing out and joking about gay people. And, in this case, I find it harder to stop them with my usual difficulty of killing the vibe. I don't like hearing homophobic comments when I have a closeted lesbian cousin who would feel bad if I keep quiet but I also just feel bad hearing it because of how it makes my stomach turn. People being in love is cute.

"Why ya always do that?" Derek says, laying his head on Jackie's shoulder. Turns out they are a couple, very much in love for a year now.

"Can't talk about gays or something?" Mikael laughs, doing a thumb war with Lily, both sticking their tongues out as they focus.

"That's not even talking about gay people, that's harassment. You don't even know if they gay, you just like bothering people." Jackie explains with her usual voice of reason but it goes in one ear and out the other.

"Thems some homos," Cantor nods like it's a debate.

"I don't really care about all that. Shit just funny." says Drake, snacking on a bag of chips.

"Faggots always making me uncomfortable can't be mad when I do it back." Bruce says as he slicks his hair back with a comb. I frown at the words.

"But you mad when you don't know someone gay from the jump either." Jackie adds, "Like that girl you were hitting on the other day." he sucks his teeth at her words.