LAVENDER HAZE - J. Hughes

Six

You handle it beautifully

I was fuming as I threw back a few shots, only adding to my buzz. He knew what he did. He knew he fucked with my head. I was stuck. Do I hook up with Trevor out of spite? Do I not to show Jack I'm not easy, to win him back? Right now, with the alcohol, I wanted to spite him. He knew, he just knew. I'm not one for insecurity and listening to haters but when it came to them calling me a whore/slut that fucking hurt. I was a virgin. I did other shit but I was a virgin.

I was sitting with Luke, Mark, Seamus, and Ethan feeling tears form in my eyes at the thought of his words. He never thought I was pretty. He thought I was easy. Fucking easy. How can I change his mind? How can I get him back. WHY do u want him back when he thinks so low of me? Back? I never even had him.

My mind was a mess. I was a mess.

"Lukey, can we leave please?" He looked over at me and his smile dropped.

"Lily, what's wrong honey? We can go" he told me quickly. I nodded, wiping a stray tear off my cheek. Luckily our houses weren't far. Only a five minute walk. I texted Jackson to tell him I went home so he didn't worry and within five minutes I was sitting in my room, in Luke's arm crying.

"Luke, do you think I give off slut vibes?" I sniffled. He held back a laugh when I asked him this.

"No. I think your a pretty girl but your not a whore. Your ok, what's going on?" He asked, his voice laced with concern.

"Nothing just Instagram again" I lied, wiping under my eyes. He eyed me. Before sighing and hugging me tight again.

"Im gonna head home, are you alright?" He asked nervously.

"Yes im ok" i nodded rapidly. He kissed my head and left me. I quickly changed into some silk pj bottoms and a tank top, wiping off my makeup that was now running. After getting ready for bed, only crying three times, it took maybe an hour and half before a soft knock came on my door.

I froze.

I cautiously went to open the door and Trevor slipped in, grabbing my hips and pushing me against my bedroom door. "I didn't even see you tonight" he pouted, leaning down and placing his lips to my neck.

"S-sorry" I stuttered out, my brain only thinking about the feeling of his lips against my skin.

"When I did see you i thought you looked beautiful" he muttered against my lips before pressing his lips against mine. It was rough just like the night before, didn't take long before he was holding me up and walking me to the bed to lay me down. Trevor got right to business.

I tried to stay into it but all I could think about was Jack and what he said to me. Why did he have this effect on me? Why did he say that when he knew it would hurt me? My thoughts were running wild and I guess Trevor noticed because he pulled away, both of us breathing heavy. "You ok?" He asked with furrowed eyebrows.

"Yeah sorry" i nodded, trying to not only convince him but myself. I was not gonna let Jack force me to not hook up with a hot hockey player.

Trevor smiled but sat up next to me, I leaned up on my elbows to look up at him in confusion. "I think maybe you just rest for tonight. I'll come back tomorrow" he leaned down and kissed me again before quietly and swiftly slipping back out of my room. I released a loud sigh, laying on my back and staring at the ceiling.

Jack was cockblocking me. And he didn't even know it.

I need some air. I walked out onto my balcony, surprised when I looked over and saw Jack sitting out there. At first, my body had its normal heart swelling 'i love him' reaction but then my mind reminded me of what he said and I was angry again.