LAVENDER HAZE - J. Hughes

Nineteen

...They're bringing up my history...

Tomorrow was the big day for me. I laid in bed wide awake with my light still on even, just letting my mind wonder. This was gonna be the first time I'd be away from my family for an extended time as we live in Boston now because of Jackson. I was scared. I wouldn't be completely alone but at the same time it wasn't the same. I didn't have my parents to really take care of me, I had to take care of myself. Everyone has to grow up at some point.

While those were negative thoughts, there were the positives too. I was going to be able to grow up and become the person I was meant to be. I'd have to be, I'd be alone. I was able to make my own decisions on what to wear, what classes I was gonna take, what I was gonna Cook, everything was up to me. On top of that I'd be living with friends who I trusted and loved like family. We could party all the time, I could cheer them on at the games, and help them when they're upset over a loss. I was excited and I was nervous, but mainly excited.

My thoughts were cut off by a knock on my balcony doors. I nearly peed my pants at the sight of Jack standing there waving to me. He was in sweat pants and a Devils tee shirt, probably what he would wear to bed. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion but opened the doors and let him in, making sure my bedroom door was locked so no one came bursting in and getting the wrong idea.

"Hey" he greeted casually.

"How in the hell did you get up there? And what are you doing here?" I asked in confusion as he took his shoes off and laid on my bed looking up at me.

"You leave for college I wanted to see you before you go" He told me, making my heart melt of course. I sat criss crossed beside him and he sat up leaning against the head board. "I also wanted to talk to you"

"What's up Jack?" I tried to sound like I wasn't freaking out internally now but I don't know if I did a good job or not.

"Remember our talk? Where I said I was gonna wait for you?" He started softly, grabbing my hand and kissing it gently.

"Yes" I nodded. Here he goes saying 'Sike you dumb bitch I could never want you!' I just feel it.

"That still stands" he stated firmly, looking right into my eyes as he said this. I felt so much relief course through my body as he said this and I'm sure he could tell. "I just wanted to tell you that I've been thinking about what you said about starting a new chapter. I really, really want you to do just that and have a fresh, clean slate at college. I want you to take some time to get settled in, make some friends, and make UMich feel like home for He next few years. I think that for the first week or two you shouldn't call or text me. I want you to trust me, I want to talk to you all the time, but for your sake I think that's what you should do"

I took a deep breath and fully processed his words. It stung but at the same time I felt like this was one of the most mature things that he could say. It was so kind and he says this to me out of respect and want for me to be happy. He had a reason and throughly explained that which I felt comforted by, that assurance that I needed. "I think that that's really sweet of you and a great point but what if I feel like I need you?" I asked quietly.

"If you need me within those first two weeks, please call. Again, this is for you not me. I would want to hear your voice all the time. I also think that giving you those first two weeks of no contact can give you time to decide if you want me to be a part of this new chapter" He was soft and careful with his words and I loved it. It made me feel so seen.

"Ok, I think that's a good idea." I nodded. "I'm gonna miss you though" I admitted.

"I'm gonna miss you too" he sighed. "Homecoming is the third week of school and I'll be there with Quinn. Let's make that the next time we talk. We can figure things out then if your ready. If not, I'll wait." He concluded.

"Ok, that sounds like a plan" I smiled. "I'll probably feel sad tomorrow but it's for the best" I sighed.

"Im here to spend this night with you before you ignore me for close to three weeks" he joked. "Come here" he opened his arms and leaned forward, wrapping mine around his waist and resting my cheek on collar bone as he pulled into his lap.

If younger me could see me now she would probably faint. In fact, if me two months ago could see me now she would faint. I sat here in my bed on Jack's lap being held and comforted by him after we just had a talk about a possible future together as something. "I can't believe it took me this long to realize how lucky I was" he sighed.

"Better late than never" I joked. He laughed and I could feel him nodding in agreement.

"True" he said. He continued holding me for a little longer before he pushed my shoulders up and rested his forehead on mine. "Can I kiss you again?" He whispered.

I gulped and nodded. He really didn't even have to ask.

He didn't waste time leaning forward and pressing his lips to mine, cupping my cheeks with his hands. This kiss felt different, there was so much passion and longing here that it made me feel dizzy.

His hands moved from my cheeks to my hips, lifting me a bit so I was now straddling his lap. He ran his hands up to my waist and down my thighs as his lips continued moving against mine. I was resting my hands on his chest and every once in a while I would run them up over his shoulders and back down, feeling his muscles flex with each movement. He was such a fucking good kisser.

I felt him move beneath me and then found myself on my back with him over top of me, moving his lips from my mouth to my neck. Ok this was getting really hot. I could feel my head become more and more cloudy just from him kissing my neck with his hands moving up and down my sides. "Do you want me to stop?" He murmured, his face coming to level above mine.

I didn't hesitate as I shook my head. I did not want him to stop. I was gonna go weeks without him, no contact I want a memory to hold onto. Not to mention, I've dreamed countless times of this moment and prayed that he would be my first. This was the chance.

"Are you sure?" He asked. "We don't have to-"

"Please Jack, I do want to" I cut him off practically pleading. His eyes widened before a small smirk appeared across his lips.

He leaned back down and kissed me again while his hands fiddled with them hem of my sleeping shirt. I pulled back and helped him take it off, his eyes running down my body. "Your literally an Angel" he complimented. My cheeks flushed and I couldn't feel it in me to speak so I just lifted his shirt over his head and then pulled him back down to me.

Somehow along the way he had taken off my underwear and his boxers and pants, leaving us both naked. "This might not feel amazing, it's your first time right?" He asked.

"Yeah, i know but I want it to be you" I reassured him. He nodded and I felt him slowly push into me. It hurt like hell. Jack was a pretty decent size so it wasn't easy for him to get fully inside either. My finger tips clutched onto his back as i bit my tongue, feeling the pain in my lower region.

"I can stop" he said, clearly seeing the pain I was in but I shook my head. He's already in at this point and I knew it was gonna hurt I wasn't gonna make him stop.

"No, it's ok I'm good" I told him. "I promise" i pulled his lips down to meet mine as slowly began to move in and out of me. The pain was there but It dulled with each motion and eventually it started to feel good.

"Fuck Lily, you feel so good" his voice was deeper and breathless and it sent heat throughout my entire body. My fingertips dug deeper into his shoulders in response and he moved a bit faster. "I'm close" he told me and I nodded, I could barely fucking breathe how was I gonna speak? It was so good.

It took a few more motions and he stilled just as I felt that out in my stomach pop and relaxation spread through out my body.

Holy shit. I just lost my virginity to Jack Hughes.