LAVENDER HAZE - J. Hughes

Nine

Surreal

I thought I had felt real pain before. I even broke my leg one time, that hurt like hell. I've had a concussion from being dropped when I did cheer, I've closed my hand in a car door, I've grown up loving someone who will never love me.

But the pain in my chest as I stand here staring at my best friend making out with the love of my life is incomparable to anything I've ever experienced.

"Lily-" Jack's eyes were wide as he quickly stepped away from the traitor he was hooking up with. My hands shook by my side as I shook my head.

"S-sorry to interrupt I-" I stumbled back out of the door way and ran down the stairs, pushing people out of the way. She was running behind me, yelling for me to stop but I couldn't. If I looked at her after what she did I didn't know how I would react. Would I cry? Would I hit her? I didn't want to know.

I threw open the front door and tan outside, stopping when I felt her grab my arm and yank me back to stop. "Don't touch me" I snapped harshly, ripping my arm from her grip.

"Let me explain-"

"No. What are you gonna say? That your sorry? That you were drunk? I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear any of it!" I was sobbing and choking on the large raindrops that had completely soaked both me and Alayna. "Of all the people here. Of all the people at this party. There was one guy who you knew was off limits, one guy who you knew meant the world to me. You just had to have him didn't you? You couldn't control yourself for one fucking night."

"Get over yourself and wake up. He doesn't want you!" She yelled, her hand smacking over her mouth as she said this. My heart could stop beating.

"So you decided that made it ok?" I asked calmly.

"No it means that maybe you need to get your head out of your ass and stop fawning for a guy who would fuck anyone with a vagina. Including your best fucking friend." Her words were like knives into my heart and with each hard glare from her eyes she twisted them. "Everything is constantly about you and what you want because of your brother. I hooked up with him too by the way. Your just constantly in fantasy land so of course you wouldn't know. News flash: not everything is about you. I didn't kiss him because of you, he's hot and was there. Get over yourself."

"Pack your shit and leave my house tonight. I don't care where you go. Get out of my presence." I managed to get out before I turned and was walking away in the rain.

When I was down the street from the house I broke down, sitting on the sidewalk and putting my head in my hands. I know he hooks up with lots of girls I'm no idiot but my best friend- my best friend who knows everything about my feelings for him- I can't believe this. He knew too, he had to know.

"Lily, you can't sit there like this" I didn't look up, I knew who it was. It only made me feel sick to my stomach. "Lily-"

"Don't. Do not talk to me right now." I was shocked by my own voice. The way I was able to speak to him so harshly. I never imagined this.

"I don't understand why your so mad" he sounded exasperated and that made my blood boil. I stood up, not bothering to wipe my tears because they blended with the rain anyway.

"Yes you do Jack. Yes you do" I laughed but there was no humor in it. "Why her? Anyone else at that party fine but her, my-" I couldn't even finish the sentence before my voice broke yet again.

"Lily I don't know what you want me to say. I'm not sorry. Your not my girlfriend." This hurt worse than me and Alayna's conversation.

"I never said I was." I gulped.