LAVENDER HAZE - J. Hughes

Eighteen

I find it dizzying

The second his lips touched mine I felt every part of my body just explode. Sirens were going off in my head, fireworks in my chest, and butterflies in my stomach. I was in disbelief, shocked, and stunned at what was occurring at this very moment. My body went into auto pilot as I kissed back, making sure he knew I wanted this. I've waited for this for so long, God, did I want this.

He tilted his head and cupped my jaw while his other hand pushed my lower back so I was pressed against him. My hands shook as I locked them behind his head, playing with the curls at the top of his neck like a nervous habit. He pressed against my lips hard before pulling back, resting his forehead against mine.

My eyes remained closed, savoring the moment and remembering what his lips felt like moving against mine. This had to be a dream. "Lily?" He spoke quietly, pulling me from the trance as my eyes fluttered open and met his.

"Why did you kiss me?" I finally whispered.

"I was trying to tell you that I felt different about you, that I have feelings for you but you weren't getting it. You were getting all sad so I just decided to show you" he smirked.

No this has to be a dream. This can't be real. I've waited years, YEARS. My chest felt tight as I tried to process this information at the same time I convinced myself this wasn't real, that he didn't mean it in the way that I wanted him to. I didn't know what to think or what to say, I was not prepared for this at all. "W-what?" I choked out. I felt like I couldn't breathe.

"Im sorry I'm just throwing this on you-"

"Jack it's ok I'm just so confused" now my mouth felt like cotton. Swear to you my fight or flight has literally been triggered, that's how much of an effect he has on me. "Are you lying?" My voice came out weak, feeble even. I wasn't gonna get my hopes up to have my heart broke again.

He furrowed his eyebrows and pulled back a bit, seeing the way my eyes had become a bit glassy as I waited to hear his answer. I had been trained by my brain and my heart at this point to convince myself that we were friends, that he didn't want me like I wanted him. It's hard to just ignore that instinct I've developed.

"No I'm not lying Lily, I just kissed you. I've been wanting to kiss you I've tried kissing you twice before this but acted like a pussy and didn't. It sounds stupid but it took you ignoring me to see what I had, how fucking lucky I am to have you in my life. Then with Trevor...I was so mad and I didn't know why. I realize why now. I'm springing this on you and I know, take whatever time you need. I just cant let you leave here without you knowing the truth." Those were the words I needed. That was reassurance. That was real. It was raw and it took guts for him to say.

I was at a loss for words, completely speechless. What do I do? What do I say? I leave him in less than 2 weeks to go to college and he leaves for New Jersey not too long after that. The timing is complete shit. "Jack you know how I feel about you..." I trailed off, looking down at my lap as my cheeks heated up.

"I know" he teased. "I love It" ugh now they're getting even more red.

"Stop it" I groaned, covering my face. He laughed and pulled my hands away, holding them in his.

"What do you want to do? This is your choice." He said softly. "I'll wait for you. God knows you've waited for me long enough"

My heart. My poor heart was being put through the ringer. This conversation started with me wanting to die and now hear i am, melting like an ice cube in the desert because of what he just said. 'I'll wait for you'. He said he would wait for me...maybe this was real.