Wasteland // Kim Seungmin

28 - A Series Of Wonderful Decisions

A hazy hour later, Jeongin and I had spent a good portion of Arjun's stolen money. 

First we bought shots, lots of them. Then, I got some pills off some dude by the bathroom, but after 20 minutes of nothing, I decided they were duds. 

Gentleman he is, Jeongin snagged some pills of his own from a girl at the bar, and these worked much faster, turning music into colors and faces into strobe lights. And about 20 minutes ago, Jeongin came back from the bar with a tiny baggy of blue powder, which he dug into with his pinky nail and brought to my nose, telling me to sniff. I did so, eagerly, even though by that point I'd completely forgotten why we were even doing this.

We danced and laughed and danced and took shots and sang. Did I already say dance? We danced a lot. I always loved dancing, and Jeongin seemed to as well. He never hesitated to follow me out to the dance floor. Twirling me around, holding me close and swaying with me. 

While everything melted around us, I started to appreciate how truly fucked up I was. It was actually a comforting and familiar feeling. It was easy to imagine that it was a month ago, and I was dancing with Felix in the club back home. And I remembered that I was sad. I was sad knowing Felix is dead. 

But Felix isn't dead. Felix is still here, dancing with me. And he looks so beautiful. 

Without really thinking about it, I grabbed him by his collar to bring him down to my height and kissed him, pulling the ends of his hair and swirling my tongue in his mouth. The next moment, we were out of the center of the dance floor, making out against the wall. His back to the wall. Had I walked us out here? Pressed him against it? Every time I would start the trail of thought that I shouldn't be doing this, I lost that thought and pressed myself more into him.

His mistake was pulling me outside, probably to find somewhere more private. The cool air helped me clear my head, and sober me up. I looked and confirmed that Felix wasn't here. He never was. I had kissed Jeongin.

I started laughing. "Woops."

Jeongin was not laughing. 

He had brought me out a back door and along the side of the building, where more than a couple of other couples were already going at it. He pushed me against the building, his large hands landing on the soft skin under my shirt as he kissed and bit at my neck. Again, my trail of thought started to wander, getting lost on the warm feeling and the tingling sensation between my legs. How could this be wrong? Nothing ever felt so good.

But it was. And the cool breeze blowing through my hair woke me up enough to remember that. As his hand moved down into the waist band of my pants, his name crept from my lips in a whisper, simultaneously encouraging him to continue and begging him to stop.

"Jeongin, hold on." I whimpered, hating myself for saying it. Hating myself for thinking about Sky. For caring about the feelings of a guy who can't be bothered to think about mine.

Jeongin stopped, holding me at arm's length. His eyes scanned my face, and I could see he was worried, "What is it?"

"We should stop." I whispered, folding my arms across my chest.

"I –uh –you're sure?" Jeongin stuttered.

I nodded sadly up at him. "I'm sorry. I just can't do this to Sky."

Jeongin rolled his eyes, stepping back several steps to lean on the opposite wall. "Do what to Sky?"

"I know it would kill him if he knew." I said quietly, already knowing how stupid I sounded.

Jeongin scoffed. "Do I need to remind you of the whole reason we're not with him right now? If he got pissed at you he'd be the biggest hypocrite in the world."