past, present, and future | hwang hyunjin

s e v e n

c h a p t e r   s e v e n

"Wait!" Hyunjin called to me in a panic as I sped off. "Come back! What do you mean I can hurt you? Tell me what you mean!"

I tried to block out his words, but in reality, the amount of guilt I felt was threatening to overwhelm me. I told myself it would be better for both of us if he just stayed away, because it was true. Completely, definitely, true.

Or was it?

I could hear his footsteps behind me, trying to catch up. It didn't help that he was taller than me, and his limbs were much longer than mine.

"Stop!" Hyunjin pleaded. "Why are you doing this? Why are you pushing me away?"

I stopped running.

Hyunjin stopped behind me too.

"Why are you doing this? Why are you pushing me away?" he asked me with a glare on his face.

"I-" Before I had a chance to say anything, he dragged me off to the bathroom, where he inflicted unspeakable pain on me, which I couldn't describe, it was too much-

I didn't feel the first tear, and I didn't feel the second one. I didn't feel them until I was crying out a stream, a river of tears. I didn't feel them until I felt strong arms wrap around me, and I sobbed into Hyunjin's warm shirt. I almost couldn't believe myself for getting so close to him. But I couldn't pull away either. His grip on me was too strong.

I finally lifted my head, and almost laughed at the tearstain on his white shirt. Hyunjin tucked a stray hair behind my ear. "I'll always be here for you to cry on. Now, mind telling me what got you like this?"

I could never tell any boys about what happened to me, even if I trusted him-

Wait, since when did I trust him? I couldn't let myself become vulnerable, not in front of boys. Not if that would happen again. So I just shook my head.

"That's alright," Hyunjin's soft black eyes were full of understanding. It was an expression that I had never seen on his face before. "When you're ready, okay? For now, please stop pushing me away."

I looked down and nodded, wiping my eyes with my hand. My already half-smudged mascara smudged even more because of it, so when I looked up again, Hyunjin immediately burst out in a fit of laughter.

"It's not funny!" I crossed my arms. 

Still trying/not-so-trying to contain his laughter, Hyunjin pulled out his phone and put it to my face. When I saw my reflection, I started laughing as well. "Okay, I guess I do look really bad right now."

"No, you're still pretty, just the makeup smudge-" But before Hyunjin could continue saying anything stupid, I slapped a hand around his mouth because I sensed a very familiar presence around and I didn't want to give that presence any gossip or tea.

"Hey, Areum!" Sana called from behind.

I quickly removed my hand from Hyunjin's mouth, while he was still in utter shock, and responded. Even though I tried to hide my nervousness, it didn't really work and a bit of it still leaked into my voice. "H-hi!" I stuttered as I turned to face her. "How was practi-"

I was cut off as Sana immediately started laughing at my smudged makeup. "Come back to the dorms, let me fix that." She told me. Then she noticed Hyunjin and his tear-stained shirt behind me, and her eyes widened with realization and understanding. She greeted Hyunjin with a bow before quietly leading me away.

"Wait!" I turned my head, calling back as Hyunjin started to leave. After mustering up what little courage I had, I yelled, "Bye!" 

I saw him smile at me. I could tell Hyunjin was really happy about being acknowledged. "See you later!" He called as he left.

I was about to say something back but Hyunjin had already left, leaving only the shadow of his presence. Before I could process what had just happened, Sana dragged me by my shoulders with an excited expression on her face. 

I looked back, and for a moment, I thought I saw a shadow dashing away, but it was only for a split second so I thought I hallucinated it.

I tried to keep my own face monotone and unemotional, but Sana, being Sana, could see right through me. "Oh my god!" Sana cried, shaking my shoulders as soon as she led me back to the dorm and closed the doors. "This is progress! He made a move on you! Finally, I was so tired of you not interacting with him."

"It's nothing," I deadpanned, trying to keep a straight face and the blush out of my cheeks. Which was kind of failing. No, definitely failing. I silently prayed to all the deities that have ever existed in the world that the smeared mascara would cover it up. Please, I didn't do anything. Allow me to be spared from the wrath of Ms. Hayashi Sana.

"First, you better go wash off your makeup. You look terrible!" Sana pushed me towards the bathroom. "Then, tell me all about your adventures with Prince Charming."

"Wow, I totally didn't know that I look terrible, thanks!" I said sarcastically. "And no, you are not hearing about anything. Your mind which has been through high school and half of college is already dirty enough, I don't need to add anything to that."

"Aw," Sana pouted. "Why not? I can offer you some help on how to approach him. I've had a boyfriend before, you know."

"Whom you broke up with like what, 3 years ago?" I sighed. "Yeah, sure. You're gonna be lots of help. I'm off!" I called before Sana could say anything else.

After washing off my makeup, I sat down on the sofa, pulled out my phone, and checked my schedule for the day. I was due for a checkup at the JYP first aid room in around ten minutes. I remembered Hyunjin telling me something about how they didn't know anything about fainting, but I guess they educated themselves overnight. Maybe they even got some help from the nearby hospitals.

"So, what's your individual schedule for today?" I asked Sana because she was just wandering aimlessly with not much intention.

Sana thought for a second before responding. "I think I have my last Korean test, but I know I'm going to ace it. Our first stage is going to be at Music Bank, since we're debuting tomorrow, which is Friday. The stage is going to have an intro, and I'm the main dancer, so I'm going to be doing it, and the rest of you will join in as the main track starts. I have to rehearse that intro today."

"Good luck!" I told Sana because she might need it. Actually, she probably didn't. Her dancing was just too good.

"Thanks. What about you?" Sana asked.

"Checkup for any post-fainting problems in around ten minutes," I said. "At the JYP first aid room."

"I thought they didn't know anything about fainting," Sana commented, mirroring my thoughts earlier. "Maybe they taught themselves overnight." 

"That's exactly what I thought!" I bursted out laughing, and the infectiousness of laughing spread to Sana as well and we both were crouched down, holding our stomachs and attempting but failing to stop.

After a while, I cleared my throat in an attempt to control myself. "Alright, I'm leaving. Otherwise I'll be late and I don't want to be late."

"See you!" Sana waved as I left the dorm happily, skipping down the hallways.