past, present, and future | hwang hyunjin

f o r t y - t h r e e

c h a p t e r   f o r t y - t h r e e

I knew when my official return date would be now. December 15th marks it. I was really excited to return to the idol scene since I genuinely loved performing for fans.

Surprisingly, "Towards the End of Nowhere" was one of the most streamed songs on our previous mini-album, losing it's top spot to the title track "Summer-up" by a few hundred streams. It might have been because that was the only song still including my voice. They had released a new version of the songs and removed my parts from all the other songs on the mini-album, meaning that they actually had removed the high notes in some of them since the other members of my group couldn't reach them without straining their voices or using falsetto instead of their full voice.

Once I come back, I'll be attending variety shows and photoshoots, etc, again. There were already tons of Korean luxury brands lined up for a photoshoot with me, because of my naturally KBS-fitting face. 

I already had tons of requests, and it was still gonna be a month or two before my official return date. After a few JYP staff, sent by JYP himself, had shown me the requests, I had gaped in awe at the sheer number but accepted all the valid and non-scam-looking ones. JYP had decided to give me freedom in which shows and photoshoots I wanted to attend because of all that I had gone through.

Not everyone was excited to see me return. Definitely not some of the delusional k-netizens. They called me a slut, shaming me for wanting to even return to the industry after my dating life had been leaked.

So? It was none of your business. Who I decide to date shouldn't matter to you. I'd be concerned for your mental well-being if it did. Actually, I am concerned for the mental well-being of many of Hyunjin's delusional fans, who really thought they owned him and could decide his personal life.

I'm just like, girl? Come on. He probably doesn't even know you exist. Why are you literally so protective over him? Is it so you can fantasize about him being in your bed together so you can do whatever the fuck goes on in your deranged head without feeling bad because he has a girlfriend? Probably. Actually, yes. I'm spot on. 

Well sorry to break the news to you, but too bad, so sad. He has a girlfriend now. And I'm working on the love part. I really want to get to know him again, but feelings develop over time, not in one day.

Our whole group's next comeback is on February 12th. The public doesn't know this yet, but being the idol making the music gets you the inside scoop, I guess. I might release my new song on it, still thinking though. I wonder if the public would be able to interpret it's meaning. They didn't know that I had amnesia yet, that information had been kept strictly confidential between the few doctors and insiders who knew about it.

Well, if our group's next comeback is soon, maybe I should start practicing my singing. I remembered JYP's building had a vocal practice room, and I decided to head there. I put on some un-pajama clothes (not that there was anything wrong with my elephants, but you know), and headed out the door of the dorm.

I missed my groupmates and Hyunjin. They kept me alive and motivated for the next day. So when they were all out on schedule, leaving me alone in the building saddened me. It was like a wake-up call for me, letting me know that not all their time can be devoted to me.

I entered the vocal practice room, where I saw a few trainees inside separate rooms with mentors coaching them. I dashed to claim my spot in one of the few empty ones, and shut the door, locking it behind me.