past, present, and future | hwang hyunjin

t h i r t y - t h r e e

c h a p t e r   t h i r t y - t h r e e

-Hyunjin's Point of View-

Dance was my only way to relieve the crushing pain I felt from Areum's words. Day and night, I danced. It was my way of expressing my emotions, the good and the bad. 

One night I decided to start a livestream. Maybe that would actually help me, talking to the fans. Help save me from what I felt because of Areum.

The song I was currently dancing to finished, and I suddenly heard noises from outside. "I think someone is outside, I'm going to go check."

Walking outside, I saw a girl crouched down on the ground of the hallway. I reached for her hand and helped her up because I felt bad for her. Well, until I saw the person. My hand retracted as fast as lightning. "Oh," I could almost feel the awkward tension in the room. "It's you. Well, do you want to join my live? The fans really want to know who it is, and I would feel really bad for them if I just said there wasn't anyone there."

The one and only Kang Areum responded, "Sorry, but I need to go back-"

Wait, this could be the perfect opportunity. I wanted to set things straight with her. Did she care about me or not? What if it was all a misunderstanding? I guess my days of reflecting had really led me to think in a less emotional and more rational way. "Okay, you're coming inside," At her unenthusiastic expression, I added, "Come on, dancing will be fun, don't you think?"

Dragging her inside, which she obliged to, I saw the phone screen lighting up with comments. Forgetting about Areum momentarily, I let go of her and rushed to see what was going on. "Hey! Guess who it is! Felix? Bang Chan? Nayeon? Yeji? Good guesses but you're all wrong." That's when I saw the one golden comment I was looking for. "Oh no, wait! Which STAY said an Island-I member? Because you're right."

Looking back at Areum, I asked. "So, would you like to reveal yourself?" I tried to muster up a smile even though just looking at her made me sad. All over again.

Oh, how things could change in a short while. Just realizing that now, huh?

- - -

"Goodbye!" I waved while Areum waved beside me. Yup, completely comfortable with her now. That was some fast development, in the span of an hour. I pressed the button to end my live before I dramatically collapsed onto the ground. "I'm so tired! Save me!"

She smiled in amusement before her face switched up to a more serious mode.

"Hyunjin," Areum began. Her soft voice made me want to melt almost immediately. "You know about the other day when I was talking about, well, how I didn't care about you? And you heard it?"

I sighed, not wanting to recall that because she had just proved the opposite. "You're really bringing that up now?"

I leaned in to listen to her response.

"I brought it up because I wanted to tell you that I do care about you. You have inevitably stumbled into my life, and I panicked and said that to shut up any rumors that could spread about us potentially, well, you know, like dating or something. But please believe me when I say that's not the truth. Because it really isn't. Give me another chance to prove my statement, will you?" Areum's soft, rounded doe eyes widened as looked at me pleadingly. 

I smiled in happiness at her words. Yes. That was what I wanted to hear. I felt her sincerity, and it was real. Very, very real.

"Well, after today, I honestly felt that from your actions. I do really appreciate you saying it though. I do believe you. I know you're being sincere. So, you want to stop being awkward when we bump into each other in hallways and stuff? Maybe say hi?" I said with a small smile, looking at her in the eye. Say yes, please!

"How about we be friends?" Areum's eyes lit up in the cutest way possible and I just wanted to give her a hug in the moment. "I want to get to know you better. If I'm going to be completely honest, being with you just feels so comfortable. Like even if you're teasing me about something. It's really weird."

"You know what?" My voice wandered off somewhere, mystery lurking. "Me too. It's almost as if we were meant to be friends."

Friends though? Or something more?

- - -

"I like you too."

Areum likes me. I repeat, Areum likes me. SHE LIKES ME!

Wait, since when though? I really thought she hated me. Or only liked me as a friend. Definitely not romantically. How had things changed in such a short while?

I blinked a couple of times. I could feel her searching my gaze. "Wow... I never knew," Was all I could stutter out at the moment. "You... just didn't seem to have anything for me at all."

"Times change a lot, you know?" Areum's wide smile was actually so bright, it burned my eyes. Her hands moved across the table until they were touching mine. My skin burned from the direct contact. I wasn't used to her being so bold. She was usually so shy.

I could only reply in wonder, "Yeah, they really do."

We... weren't a couple yet. Sure, we liked each other, but none of us had made the declaration of official coupleship. Because once that was a thing, it was a danger to both us and our respective groups. Our reputations, especially hers as a rookie, would be completely ruined. Our careers would probably be over. Maybe as time goes on. Maybe the feelings will run deeper. But not yet.

Not yet. 

- - -

"Do you want to become my girlfriend? Officially?"

Areum. She was my world. She was my happiness, my sadness. She was where my bold side came out. She was where my shy side came out. She brought out the best of me. And I really loved her, too much to just let this be an unofficial relationship.

I could see the hesitation flashing through her eyes. All the possible outcomes of us being caught and our idol status falling to beneath zero. "But we're idols," She pointed out. It was a valid point for sure. "What if we're caught?"

"Not if we're careful enough. Both you and I know that we share feelings for each other that run deep, and one thing that I hate the most is not paying attention to those feelings. Please, I really, really, love you so much, Areum," I begged to her, praying that she would accept. I had spilled out everything to her.

A flood of realization hit her, and her expression changed as if her mindset was shifting slightly. Her next words sent hope flooding through me almost at once.

"I love you so much too. And yes. The answer is always yes. Yes. Yes. Yes."

Yes. That yes lasted from 5:34 pm that day until 8:21 am the next morning. 14 hours and 47 minutes was how long she was mine.

Oh, and it's not because we broke up. We never did. It's because she died.