past, present, and future | hwang hyunjin

f o r t y

c h a p t e r - f o r t y

My groupmates were out on schedule today. So it was just me, sitting in my sad little chair in the lonely little dorm. I had a big chunk of time, though, which I really could do anything with.

What has been happening lately? I was a trainee. Then I became an idol. Then someone tried to kill me and I ended up losing most of my memory of recent months, including my idol life, career, and dating life. 

I can't remember, even if I want to remember. The world is against me to the point that they didn't even want me to remember the person I once loved with all my heart. And I don't know how to feel about him right now. Are we still in a relationship? Technically, yes. In my eyes, no. Not yet. Not until I was ready for that.

When I get emotional, I put my thoughts onto paper. In the form of a song. Because, unlike a plain piece of writing, a song just sounds different when there is emotional singing involved.

What should I start with? The chorus?

When I rememb-

No. That doesn't sound right.

I could remember

What could I add before that?

I really wish

I could remember

What if I added something in between, to potentially indirectly connect the wishing and remembering?

I really wish

For one thing only

And that thing

Is if I could remember

That last line was not sounding good, but I can fix it.

I really wish

For one thing only

And that thing

Is to remember

Okay, next part of the chorus.

I really wish

For something easy

And that thing

Is to remember

That didn't make much sense, also it was way too similar to the first part of the chorus.

I really wish

For something easy

And I'll never be

with you together

Who was the "you"? Hyunjin. Okay, we could get back together. But right now, things were so complicated and unsure.

A post-chorus, maybe?